Last year, I received a call from a friend from another church, Ben (not his real name), seeking for assistance to diffuse tension between him and his teenage son, Michael (also not his real name). Both Ben and Michael played badminton with me and both our families have gotten close over the years. Ben called me one evening after a heated argument with Michael. It seemed that Michael had joined a multi-level marketing (MLM) business and Ben was not happy about it. Ben thought that this MLM business is a scam and Michael was spending too much time in this business instead of his studies.
Ben asked Michael to drop the MLM business but Michael refused. Ben asked me to talk Michael out of it. Basically, he was asking me to tell his son that he was right and his son was wrong. I was surprised. To me, Ben was not asking me to diffuse the tension between him and Michael. Ben was looking for an affirmation that he is right and Michael is wrong. I told Ben that I will have to talk to Michael first.
This is an example of cases that Family Life Ministry (FLM) encountered in the last few years where people had asked the church for assistance on their own terms. For example, we had people with financial difficulties and wanted us to assist them with job hunting but came with a list of jobs that they do not want to do.
This reminds me of the third invite in the parable of the wedding feast in Matthew 22: 11-14.
11 “But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment. 12 And he said to him, ‘Friend, how did you get inhere without a wedding garment?’ And he was speechless. 13 Then the king said to the attendants, ‘Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ 14 For many are called, but few are chosen.” Matthew 22: 11-14.
A king gave a wedding feast for his son. He invited some people twice but none came. Finally, the king extended his invitation to all who would hear and the banquet hall was filled with people. Everyone who attended the feast wore a wedding garment as required by the king, except this one man. This man came to the banquet on his terms, not the king’s. So, the king threw him out.
The wedding feast is like the Kingdom of Heaven. God invites us to His Kingdom of Heaven on His terms, not ours.
In FLM, our mission is to assist, guide, comfort and counsel anyone in need by walking with you through your difficult situation with the aim of pointing you to our Lord Jesus Christ. We cannot do that effectively if you come with your own set of terms and conditions.
After talking to Michael, he told me that his father has been constantly belittling him and called him dumb and useless for some time now. He also told me the reason he joined this MLM is to show his father that he can be rich and successful like his seniors who own expensive cars in their early 20’s. I told Ben what Michael had told me and suggested that both of them should sit down and talk it out. But Ben refused to accept he had been mentally abusing his son. From that day onwards, both of them stopped coming for badminton. I am still in contact with Michael but Ben had been ignoring my calls and messages ever since.
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