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00:00:00 thank you um last week I have to repent I didn't announce the sermon so I better do it by end and I Repent have to repent next week we have a guest Patrick mly um he's from uh Man in the Mirror something we're trying to advertise and trying to encourage men to attend and we will have some friends from Kingdom City coming to with us they will give a testimony and I he a great opportunity uh they will come and he will preach on the Staggering love of God on 6th August uh from gospel City network masimo will come and preach
00:00:40 on forgiveness the way of the kingdom and on 13th August Willam from Jan imbi Chapel will come and speak on love and practical Graces before we start the sermons um again we want to always give an invitation any of you have struggles need someone to talk talk to BCS Ministry called family life uh and always reach out to me John go one of us send an email to the church office we will reach out to you and uh we just have this Mantra you don't need to suffer alone and sometimes it's better just to talk to somebody how come a
00:01:21 benediction oh you have to put on my seron slides thank you an that's for you hey the clock started oh there's no clock yeah sorry private joke okay this is what we call and what apology all right okay this is not a common apology I think the most common apology is this correct what's the difference between the second apology and the first the second one apologizes for the hurt which which is which is not bad what does it not apologize for it doesn't apologize or he doesn't admit that the action were necessary
00:02:15 wrong so my question to you is against Matthew 18:15 where we thought you know someone called someone did wrong to you going and approach the brother and if someone comes and tell you well okay I'm sorry that you were hurt he meant it but but he didn't say you were sorry that what he did was wrong does that mean Matthew 18:15 was fulfilled okay here's another one what do you call this is this an apology no actually this is what you call a non apology and I want to start off this morning to ask uh when you apologize
00:02:55 which one do you normally do and I will true to you most people apologize on the second one I mean we just go through this a bit all right um only people in Caris might know this in 1944 Alfred hcock before he did all his gory show did a show uh called gas light uh start ingred burkman I mean this vintage movies you people wouldn't watch now in the movie uh she marries this guy played by Charles Boer I don't know who he is right and uh what happens is that during those times right the lights in the house were
00:03:36 gas right that 940 is said in that time and what she hears in the middle of the night the ethic is locked but what happens that she hears sounds in the ethic and the gas lights starts to dim she then ask the husband she says you know what I'm hearing sounds in the ethic and the lights are starting to dim and the husband says Dear there the lights are fine there's no s is all in your mind actually if you follow the story because none of you going to watch this okay this is not exactly Barbie the
00:04:07 movie or one of those things you guys watch the husband is a bad guy he married her to get the money of the family and what he does that he goes through the neighbor's house through the Skylight and at night he goes into the attic puts on the gas light light there when you put on the light the light below dims because he's trying to search for jewelry I just gave it a plot because none of you going to watch the movie why am I bothering to tell you this because out of this came a term which is very popular nowadays you know
00:04:40 what's it called gas gas liting exactly so for the uninformed that's where guas liing comes from guas liing is when you use words and speech that appear to show you care but actually you do not it is a form of emotional manipulation and the worst form of emotional manipulation is when I give you an apology that makes you feel worse about yourself and so today we want to talk about how we talk and we're going to look at speaking the truth in love and I thr to you in an apology the sincerest way to apologize
00:05:30 is to say you're sorry for your actions and I thr it to you is something a lot of us including myself struggle with and we're going to approach this with great humility so Lord we come before you we ask for your for your for your spirit to be with are that we do not grief the spirit and sometimes the hardest decisions to do are those are things like this and sometimes sin is not the the big sins is the daily sins we do what we think are the small things that really hurt people the most we pray for
00:06:08 this sermon and they we direct it not just to our church life but our family life and our work life and we say this in jesus' name uh we seem to be in a Ephesians mode I have no idea why um I'm supposed to do Exodus that what I Tango a bit Church camp was an Ephesian Peter for some reason want to do Ephesian yesterday we were at prayer meeting they pray over Ephesian baptism also share with Ephesian so my sest do Ephesians all right for some reason to GMA people you can compare not with me this is my
00:06:40 take on it right so this is what we spoke on last week I'll just give you the verses and give you a recap fighting sin requires wisdom the second one really saved my life and every time some of you are wanting to do something which you really like to do ask yourself do you really know how is really going to affect your life the amount of time it does to you and the verse tells us as you look in it it does it to you in three times verse 19 having lost of sensitivity first you become callous numb to sin number two it binds you giv
00:07:13 themselves over number two it pushes you in deeper the key to finding sin is deepening your relationship with Christ not in a Solo thing but with others we're going to develop that today and we're really going to develop the last point the attitude of your mind all Paul calls it in Romans 12 the renewal of mind is actually about your heart right in fact if you look at Romans 12 he uses the Greek word metamorphosed where you so shine because of the light in your heart and Paul picks it up so we're going to look see
00:07:52 remember we're talking about gas lighting and lights all right so and this is the key thing what the heart ones the mind would justify the will Ex it out this actually comes from Tim Keller and so the key to fixing your life to get your heart right with God and so efficience starts with two great prayers prayers that we tried and we did pray over yesterday in our prayer meeting and your heart has to pray to want to love God more because our natural instinct is to pray to love ourselves more right and this happens
00:08:27 when you do small Loops let me just do this a little bit because it's quite helpful recognize your triggers every trigger whether you anxiety issue whether it's a Temptation issue with the struggle has a place right because the mind remembers the place all right has people has a time has a memory and what the Bible teaches you is to replace that with Godly triggers and when you have a Godly trigger it pushes you into a Godly routine the end of the seron of Mount put these things into practice Philippians 4:6 by anxiety Paul says
00:09:04 practice these things is all about putting on the old self the new self is a habit and it takes you to a reward the reward is that you sense God more and the loop continues the more you do this you will not let sin strangle you right and so Paul starts with two things oh self which is being corrupted by deceitful desires it blinds your mind new self is to be created like God in true righteousness and righteousness here and Holiness righteousness here is imputed by God God gives it to you in Christ Jesus on the cross and Holiness
00:09:41 is to set apart that's what the Greek word means so we're going to start right off by speaking the truth in love which is anchored in verse 15 and the the context here of course is about false teaching but is it more than false teaching right so let's go beyond it because evangelicals love to Taro everybody oh charismatics they teaching like that oh Catholics are like that like that we very proud that we know our theology one oh we are gospel centered you are not gospel centered no etc etc so let's see whether is more than just
00:10:13 theology right so let's talk about the first one H this one I really need to learn H because people I me Moto mouth therefore each one of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor reason we are members of one body so we put it in a table it's is quite strange and Paul has mentioned last week is trying to get you not to be legalistic I don't lie okay maybe I just do a few White Lies but I don't lie well Hallelujah are you member of One body what's that God do we lying everything
00:10:49 how let's look at scripture so here it is don't lie oh self but new self your members of one body it doesn't even look connected but let me tell you the idea of being members of one body is the single largest component in chapter 4 it starts off with Ephesians 4: 4 already one body let me bring the verses out to you right he continues all right and what is one body about we saw just now in verse 25 he ties it to verse 20 uh9 to build each other up and you look at the word building each other up
00:11:33 is all over Ephesians 4: 12 he goes on vers 16 vers 29 So speaking the truth in love is to be actively conscious to build each other up in our daily conversations talk this all of you say yeah I do it okay let's put it to the test you know when he used the word build each other Paul brings a lot of things in it I'm going to list it out for you all right but first we talk about truths the first truth doctrinal Church in valent jaica Church number one I will put it humbly to you you know why because we very critical hi charismatic
00:12:19 speaking in tongues actually then we run them down hi Catholics salvation my works then going Goring them etc etc because we very pandai one okay very good this score a but Paul doesn't only talk about doctrinal truth you all he's talking about speaking in love and look at the verses the one he's really concentrating on is relational truth ah so when you have a fight with your wife who is right you or your wife you of course the wife wrong one w a dangerous topic I will tell you w very smart the
00:13:04 wife is right I'm sorry that you felt that way ah already I'm sorry you heard I tell you how to guas light very simple would you calm down or not ah you know why not when you do that you shift the argument to an emotional Arena and know you meet a wife say oh I'm all very emotional you are weaponizing your words okay so don't say we are not guilty of this okay here's another one since we e all this counseling terms there's a term called weaponized ignorance you can Google it dear I'm very bad at doing
00:13:44 housework so I put a bro out there for you because you do such a good work for you Brandon don't do that to Joy oh joy where's Joy let's tou that I put all the dishes here because after I do it I break the dishes you do such a good job that's weaponizing inance actually you're just lazy oh it's my fault oh it's my fault I talk to you it's my fault no no no no it's not your fault weaponizing victimhood you got a problem talk to me Matthew 18:15 say you talk to me come talk can what's the problem
00:14:30 are you finished or not let me tell you the problem did I just exercise Matthew 18 that's called weaponizing theology so the main truth is the truth about your soul so let's break it down I listed it all up for you after listen I F quite I quite felt depressed you know you see Paul starts off with humility and gentleness you know why Matthew 18:15 never works because you start like you want to fight already now what's interesting is the way it scals down he starts with humility then he tells something the
00:15:12 candidat you got to the guy oh you say hallelujah I can continue to do be a sinner because Bible says bear with me no no no no he goes from humility to bearing then he tells you not to be devised because when husband and wife fight now all the words come out one now we when we speak the truth is not in love or when we show that we are loving we refrain from the truth because tell you why you will yell at me you want to really know how people feel about you get into an argument but the words come
00:15:48 out unfiltered and then he moves to encouraging maturity correcting and rebuking non un wholesome talk then he talks about EMP and compassion it's a long list it's a difficult list it's a list we often fail it's a list unless we are conscious and mindful of habits we need to build up you will start by being critical because our default nature is critical uh problem with fbcr is fill in the blank problem with the elders you know this this fellow you going talk to him talk to them they don't listen to
00:16:40 you why you still in FC don't wow beautiful so let me break this down a bit right there's one more in the list I didn't miss which I think is the key and you can see right all sorts of things which are true why you don't talk to them they don't listen I don't trust them they they like to judge me it's true but I think there a starting basine and the starting Baseline is this he starts off by telling you to be humble and to bear with each another meaning God's not asking for Perfection he moves down to maturity speaking in
00:17:24 love and he ends with what he ends with 32 with what you can't just stay where you are so here I think is the missing link we don't have a habit of confessing our sins to each other I think that's the key now let's see whether scripture supports that all right let's pull out a few verses right now in Ephesians 5 he says this for you once Darkness now you are light in the Lord live as children of light for the fruit of light consist in all goodness righteousness and truth truth not just your version of Truth and find out what
00:18:07 pleases the Lord have nothing to do the fruitless Deeds of Darkness rather expose them that's sin it is shameful even to mention what the disab doing Secret here's the key verse everything exposed By the Light becomes visible that means you open book now it doesn't mean you go around telling all your deepest darkest secrets to everyone but it does mean you confess your sins and everything's illuminated becomes a light now here's the thing you cannot be leaving the light unless you talk to people and say look I struggle with this
00:18:35 I mean can you imagine if I go around and I say uh you know Mary I forgive you Wong I I forgive you and only te for for what you can only do that if you had engaged in a conversation and you know that what you did was wrong and I suggest this one we really struggle with all right let me let me show you how this is front and center in scripture front and center Galatians 61:2 brothers sisters every corner sin you who live by the spirit remember we talking about grieving the spirit here right should restore that person gently
00:19:13 he compounds it by saying carry each other's burdens how do you carry each other's burdens you carry it by if you see someone who's not living in the light you talk to him and of course we love Matthew 18:15 your brother sisters Saints Go and point out your fault just between the two of you if they listen to you you w them over we forget to read it against verse 21 verse 21 which is after the verse about the Keys of the Kingdom of God are given to the church to FBC then Peter came to Jesus and asked Lord how many
00:19:49 times shall I forgive my brother sister who sins against me seven time Jesus says not seven times 70 * 7 that's in context of 15 that means this guy is a Serial offender I'm sorry like you I did it to you thank yeah brother I forgive you next month Yul I'm sorry I did it again to you yeah forgive you and I will do it to Yul 70 time 7 times I mean not maybe I don't know but the point is if the Heart Is Right the text is recognizing change is slow it's habit and of course James is the clearer therefore conf confess your sins to each
00:20:30 other and pray for each other so you may be healed now let's pause and ask why is it difficult to create a culture where whether it's in live groups or in outer calls or or in conversations where people say you know I I struggle with my sin you know I I I I I'm not so sure what I did to to so and so was right I mean our conversations are very surface I I mean maybe there being judgmental but I'm saying it's very hard to get into conversations where where we do that so here's the typical one now okay why not
00:21:08 you go and talk to so and so no point I talk to him he will just judge me on you remember this is where we go with this and I I want to I want to look at this from a from very real point of view and what's your Baseline I think the Baseline is this all right let's let's start with the Baseline h humility and gentleness one if you're not humble you you can't take criticism that's the first Baseline the second are you over sensitive I mean people like me are the opposite are two TI skin but both are not right is
00:21:52 your language defensive if you're defensive people want to talk to you you know are you willing to change and willing to help another person change that means you give and take correction and then after that Paul smacks in with correcting and rebuking it's like this whole thing anchors that then the second part Paul anchor it with forgiveness let's go on now no unome talk we think that he's talking about jesting and causing that's true but I tell you what jesting is is actually diversion is actually a form of
00:22:26 guest liing most you just shifted the attention do you this one is important all right and number two do you even really care about what the other side feel so I I've been I've been looking at this list and I will tell you and I'm an elder at church I fail very often you know where I think we feel the most at home with the people we love the most and do you know what's the number one thing when people quarrel they say I I want you to pause I think is this you don't listen I listen you're just not hearing what I
00:23:18 say so who's really listening I mean this is in humility I spent quite a few years talking to people because family life few of us talk to people I'm not going to call myself a counselor I just listen and talk and share life the number one thing you hear again and again especially when couples or family issue is this repeated thing the other side does not listen but do you listen you not so many words yes the other side doesn't listen now I I got this from Jordan Peterson I thought it was great today I'm going to
00:23:55 give you three exercises we talk about habits and this one I I'm starting to try to do it I I think this is very helpful it's not that hard to do you can even do it afterwards over over makan at the at the globe Cafe Garden Cafe he says uh and he's taking a line just now from from the Ephesian text you know how you really know you listen that means how can you quantify it he say it's called recasting so someone tells you hey you know anal your problem is this this this this this this this you know uh that day
00:24:29 you you said this word at this meeting is a very hurtful thing you shouldn't be say it my character is wow I cannot wait for you to finish once you finish actually you misunderstood me have you all done that the words never finished actually you got me wrong he says that's why you don't listen he say you hold back and you recast it that means you pause you hear what the other person says and you say okay is this what you mean and you recast it you recast it and you recast it until the other side says yes that's
00:25:07 what I mean you know what you have just done this is Galatians you know you have warned the person over because he says you know what I think you understand my pain it's not a very hard thing to do but is is easy to understand but to exercise it quite hard number two after you do that and the other side says yeah okay okay I think you understand me then you say now my turn then you say well I think you misunderstood me what a man was etc etc etc then you tell the other person now you repeat what I just said to you is an
00:25:46 excellent exercise I saw the reviews on this is very very hard to do because at the end of that you know what happens everybody get very tired already but you have just heard the other side and you have recasted and if you reframe it against the cross Against The God Who forgave you for your sins suddenly that offense is not that bad okay so this one okay so here's the third one we're going to speaking the truth in love requires us to recognize how negative emotions make us stay within the old self and we're going to spend a bit of
00:26:26 time in this he says in verse he say in your anger do not sin he's not saying anger is a sin you know then he says two things do not let the sun go down while you're still angry that's one the second do not give the devil foot whole now he Taps it out in verse 31 and here bitterness rage and anger is a negative expression of anger now anger itself is not wrong there can be righteous anger if you're not angry at anything you have a problem you should be angry when it's Injustice then he expands it to brawling
00:26:57 slander males all of this are subsets of anger now this part is quite interesting because if you break it down there are two parts to it now do not let the sun go on your anger is quite often misinterpreted so some family counselors tell you you know if couples fight they should try to make up before they go to bed now there is no empirical evidence of it and that is not what Paul is saying he's not saying couples to fight should try to quickly make up before they sleep because that's dangerous
00:27:25 advice because some problem cannot be solved before you go to bed can you imagine you fight 11:00 p.m. or your F you got 1 hour with better makeup it's illogical it's completely logical he's not talking about couple he's talking about you hey but I'm very angry you know I want to go to bed how do I automatically not be angry you're not getting his point he's actually taking a quote from the Psalms but uh we don't go into detail now this part is really good now why he's saying is this there's two
00:27:54 parts to it James has something similar remember that everyone should be quick to listen didn't we just talk that slow to speak anol liim number one sinner slow to become angry now this was I thought really interesting so what Paul is saying Paul is saying uh be quick to stop being angry you know what James is saying this is saying be slow to get angry they both say the same thing coming for both ends it's completely fasinating now here's the thing uh who in the Bible is compassionate and slow to
00:28:32 anger and when we repent blots out a sin against us and does not remember us and his anger subsides God and both Paul and James is asking us to go in the image of God with our anger management issues now how do we do that let's break it down into meanful terms he says this uh he gives you the reason of anger because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires so here's what happen if you go to sleep angry your anger festers you lose Godly wisdom necessary to see the issues clearly because you're angry ma W
00:29:12 up also W bet so you clouded by everything Paul mentioned malice bitterness you hold a grudge so he says first thing is it doesn't produce the righteousness that God desires so you have to understand what the righteousness mean and that's pick in James 3 and what's interesting he says peac makers that's the opposite of anger so in peace reap a harvest of righteousness that's your context but what's interesting is even better what are we looking at in Ephesians we're talking about wisdom and look what he says in verse
00:29:50 17 wisdom that comes to Heaven is first of all pure now the scaling down is interesting is pure peace loving considerate submissive full of Mercy good fruit impartial and sincere so if you listen uh what Paul is saying is this when you get angry try to do it slowly and filter it through Godly wisdom and you filter it through these things because most of us when we're angry we only see the narrative from our point in the end our version of Truth become the truth there's no other narrative you don't
00:30:35 listen Maybe I don't listen you are inconsiderate maybe I'm overbearing you over sensitive maybe I'm to take skin no but but you see these are words which are hard to process now I I want to give you another thing when you look at the list and you look at Philippians 4 about anxiety yeah Paul gives after about do not be anxious he tells you whatever is pure whatever is Noble think about these things have you realized the two list are quite similar now there is a practice to do this and we're going to take a not to
00:31:15 our Catholic friends whatever is good we learn whatever is not good we discard right reformers don't think you don't know everything all right but let me pick this up first H the the danger of this if you persistently go to bit angry you give the devil an opportunity to erode Godly truths and replace it with demonic lies you give the devil a footh hole this is a throw back to Genesis 4 Canan abor sin is crouching at the door if you do what is right because the text says Cain was angry so you you must
00:31:58 understand Ephesian talks a lot about spiritual warfare and what Paul is saying is that for some reason when you sleep that's where the devil attacks you the most you know the exes is very clear I I never thought about it that way and it very few theologians to pick it up so when you go to bed with negative thoughts right I think want to this all you go to bed let me give you a more common one I feel very hurt because my husband my wife my son my daughter my whatever did that to me and do you know
00:32:39 when you go to bed with that you let the devil come in you know but honor honor is not so easy to do that fine but recognizing it is very important because if you keep making a habit of doing it you go down the road of can because the devil has a foothold and what the earlier verses say is that sin will keep you in bondage why do you think we have lot of people come to church who are generally not happy they bitter every open their mouth complaining one now I'm not saying this to judge you I'm saying this in love to
00:33:17 maybe one lesson is to ask yourself before you go to bed what is the attitude of your mind so now here's another practice which I thought was very helpful because you see very easy to talk but anger is not so easy and so here's the practice the Catholics develop before they go to bit right and is based on this verse you see when Paul talks about grieving the Holy Spirit uh what comes after that get rid of all bitterness but you see he says you were sealed for the day of redemption that's taken from
00:33:52 Ephesians 1 Ephesians 1 says the Holy Spirit sealed you as a DE it meaning what Paul is trying to say of the Trinity right Paul is using the holy spirit so before you go to bed realize the holy spirit is in you and grieving the Greek word here is to feel sorrow he could easily replace it with the word God or Jesus he used Holy Spirit meaning the holy spirit that walk through you is pain is hurt and so there is a particular prayer you can try before you go to bed it's called the exam prayer and reformers are using it uh one
00:34:33 book uh emotionally healthy spirituality Peter Karo Advocates this Wesley advocated this what is the eaman prayer it was developed by is what you call ignatian spirituality uh Loyola of Spain he recognizes this uh that very often when we pray we pray mechanically we don't pray with the holy spirit so they call it the five hours I'll read it to you relish the moments that went well you have today it is a gratitude prayer the first are second and that's where the grieving the Holy Spirit comes request the Holy Spirit to lead through
00:35:18 your review of day I find it very helpful they call this mindfulness prayer you sit down before you sleep you say right holy spirit I'm going to go through my day go through with me and then you review your day and I will start from the morning I wake up the bad things I did the good things I did the etc etc everything I said and then I repent and then I resolve Lord tomorrow is a new day as Chris Tomlin says whatever lies before us whatever went before me let to let me be singing tomorrow When the Dawn comes I will sing
00:36:00 10,000 praises and what it does when you make this a daily prayer you learn to be more sensitive of the things you do wrong you learn to be more sensitive that your anger comes from patterns you learn to repent easier you learn to go to bed not so angry okay let me just finish this if all of that fails remember he ends with this if all else fails end your day by meditating how God forgive you on that cross he took our sins before we overwhelmed by anger bitterness and Malice right now we end with this which
00:36:48 is very strange which is like what's he going to do everything at least the first two they connected right from from speech to anger right fine I mean we see connected James says quick to listen slow to speak little anger suddenly thought was stealing was it God doing anything how are they related so anyone who's been stealing must steal no longer and then same thing he gives two presuppositions the same with anger one you must work do something useful two you must have something to share with those in need so if you break it down
00:37:20 it's the same same pattern you know so here again you must understand Paul is trying to teach us not to be legalist so that we don't say he you know I don't steal you know I don't lie you know I don't get angry badly you take off the boxer Paul says not enough your heart is still wrong now it's not really related actually this is a sermon in itself uh and this is really good to be related to work right but there is some connections number one must work do something used to their hands meaning God's people in simple English
00:37:57 mustn't be lazy you must be productive so let me ask a question here the way the taxt flows is is encompassing everything he starts off with the church he takes you to private life and to work you find it very clear in chapter 5 so here's a question in humility what useful things are you doing for FBC if your role in FBC is just to come on Sunday and sit in the sermon and you do this year after year in humility and gentleness I ask you is the eyes of your heart closed here's the other one where is
00:38:43 quite related to relationships and we brought this on the church camp if you cannot tah somebody yeah I can't stand it talks too much M this fellow don't know how he became Elder fair enough not everyone's meant to be friends there's a difference between friendship and fellowship can you work with me or not yeah I cannot cannot tah you are that the devil has gotten a stronghold in you Grace says even though you don't like me you work with me why because we build the body up and I find this is much more
00:39:29 common than we imagine that mean we have church where we have a lot of people saying I can't work with that person so I V you but you're not supposed to build a church within the church you know and if you cannot even work with a person how can you say you are in fellowship with them and so the word is Grace tells us by the cross we are forgiven I will work with you although you drive me crazy and we'll take it from there that's the first the second gives you the reason why we work that they may be able to
00:40:05 share with those in need so the way it goes is like this um I stole because I wanted a nice house I brought it off you that's illegal now I don't need to steal because I'm very clever so I work to get a nice house that's legal then he asked God he say what are you doing in the house are you letting people share that house that's the point he's talking about charity so um let me pick up the context the context is greed right and since we're talking about the Holy Spirit what text in the New Testament
00:40:36 talks about greed what event and how is about grieving the Holy Spirit and it is a story of ananas and saira and you look at the text carefully yeah and those of you are not familiar I'll just bring you back they they they very very China men they they they took they they had a piece of real estate uh you know somewhere and and then they sto it but the verse before that all those who so gave all the money to the church but these people they kept some now the text is saying no one's asking no one's
00:41:07 saying that you keep some is wrong you know but what they did was they like they declared that all they gave was everything you know what they're telling you or not how many of you don't cheat your text that's what that's what the story is because Peter will ask the wife is this the fo some of the land she says yes it's a lie now let's see what exactly Peter says and you see how it ties Ephesians ananas how is it Satan has so filled your heart that's the devil getting a foothold that you have lied to the Holy
00:41:45 Spirit there grieving Holy Spirit and kept for yourself some of the money didn't it belong to you before you were sold and after you were sold wasn't the money at disposal what you think of doing such a thing and I I will tell you we are all very guilty of this is about the deceitfulness of the heart and here's the thing which I think really comes in you have not lied to human beings but to God so here's one thing I want to ask you do we have self deception especially in this case with regards to money so let me tell you what
00:42:23 the context is here the context is this speaking the truth in love has to be followed through with actions that display the power of Grace so no point if you talk but you cannot show actions which are sincere now you know what the text is saying that means that you you can be in church doing good things you know you can be seeing lot nice thing but your motives are wrong so motive and actions have to pack up right and Grace is seen in that we can work with people we don't like with Grace is shown in our actions so let me
00:42:58 close with one last example and I'm hoping this will help you since next week we're having Man in the Mirror Patrick Moy comeing teach us in the man in mirror they have something called the Johari window and the Johari window says this uh that if you look at everyone in this room you are divided into four quadrants all of us are in the left quadrant this is what you display to FBC member your public persona now Ephesians 4 the first part deals with the hidden area those are the sins you keep and you
00:43:36 don't show people and what we been looking at two weeks is that has to come to light how we we talk about that lately all right there's another part that we talk about today which is on the top right hand Blinder you called the blind spot those are not hidden things you don't reveal those are things you don't know about yourself you think you're reasonable but maybe you're not you think you're impartial maybe you're not you think that your version of your reality is true that when you had a fight with your wife what you said was
00:44:13 true why some people can't work with you in church is this you think your version is true it's not so what the Johari window does is that it covers all of this then it leaves one last place and that's where the Holy Spirit comes in he comes into that last part where is not known to yourself it's not known to other people no one sees it and God's going to come in and push out from there and I think that's where God starts how do we do that how do we make this workable and I want to end with this I
00:44:44 think this is the flow you start by listening and I think a lot of us really don't do that we we a lot of us listen to talk but to really listen to sit down and recast another person's version takes a lot of effort and I want to suggest this especially for families if you're having issues in families you're having quarrels having learn to ask yourself am I really listening you're not going to build people up without listening number two you need to spend quiet time with God if you don't want to do it at night daytime
00:45:23 but anything that allows you not to have negativity tie you in and let the devil have a foo hole and I think the examine prayer is very helpful because you review the day and you keep reviewing day you will see patterns you know like I I know something I I'm reactive right I I know that uh I'm quite brutal I know that sometimes the things I say are not right I only know that because people tell me that there a lot more but if you keep your ears open and even when you have a quarrel with somebody you don't like and
00:46:01 they say very hurtful things to you know but if it happens again and again don't tell me four or five people telling you that there's not truth in it now those are very painful things to do because we are naturally defensive and it takes a lot of humility to get on your knees to say Lord I reviewed the day I reviewed last week I reviewed the week before and I notice every time I had the quarrow it was over over this thing over this thing over this thing you will see patterns and then you take it before the
00:46:34 Lord and finally you find a community but to do that you need to pray you need to pray a very uncomfortable prayer you know what is that prayer Lord and I will close the this find me someone I can confess confess my sins too and I challenge you most of us will not want to pray that I said it in love we rather say uh people are not trustworthy uh people blab people are like this but if you look at the text the text isn't giving you a choice no it doesn't matter even your church is completely screwed up the
00:47:21 text is saying a healthy body confesses their sins to one another so let me close what is the kind of apology Jesus will accept I submit to you only the first the second is an entry level apology but you never get to the first the devil has a stronghold and is deceiving you I'm going to ask the worship team to come up and throw you a challenge in the end and you're only gaslighting yourself you know because bitterness and Malice and self delusion and pride are gripping you your narrative in your issues with your
00:48:14 wife or your husband or your children your narrative at your work why you have problems in office your narrative in the church is reinforced but you're gaslighting yourself because that's not the truth you either guas like yourself or as Paul says in chapter 5 your once Darkness your light in the Lord live as children of light but everyone exposed By the Light becomes visible everything that's illuminated becomes a light either we gas light our souls or maybe today we make a painful choice to say
00:49:01 God I don't want to pray this but if I want to say the prayer of Ephesians that I will come to know how much your love is for me bring someone in my life I can confess my sins to I'm going to lead us through that prayer and let us all have the courage and that humility [Music] to give us the strength to do it because I know for myself I rather not do that I rather just go through and be the Elder and have the public persona but there are things not known to my life things hidden and God wants to bring it to
00:49:43 light let us pray Lord Jesus let us care for others the way you cared for us Spirit rain on us but for us to care for fathers the way you care for us we need to learn to listen we learn to be a community that gives and receives criticism a community that gives and receives forgiveness and we do it so often we don't feel shame we reveal to us anger issues malice issues things that we go to bed with that just grapple us that whenever we see someone we love or people in office is it just clouds us and we
00:50:30 forget we are living in the old self in the end words are only followed by actions if we love each other deeply give to the poor care that opens the doorway to Grace and so we bear with one another and make us even today one day at a time a bit closer to you Holy Spirit reain on us let us not grieve you Jesus name we say this amen why do we stand together and we sing this song as a response to what we have just heard as a response to God's [Music] word sing Lord we need Lord we need your grace and
00:51:29 mercy we need to pray like never before we need the power of your holy spir to open Heaven do Spirit touch your church stir the hearts of men revive us Lord with your passion once again I want to care for others like Jesus cares for me let your re fall upon me come before you lord lord we humbly come before you we don't deserve of you what we ask but we earn to see your glory restore this dying land spirit your church stir the hearts of men Rive us Lord with your passion once again I want to care for others like
00:53:15 Jesus cares for me let your R fall upon me sing that again Spirit touch and spirit touch your church and stir the hearts of men reive us Lord with your passion once again I want to care for others like Jesus cares for me let your R fall upon me let's declare once more Spirit touch your church stir the hearts of men revive us Lord with your passion once again I want to care for others like Jesus cares for me let your R fall upon me let your R let your rain fall upon me and let your R fall upon me uh shall we be seated I'm going to
00:54:44 lead you through an examen prayer and uh this not uh legalistic I want you to sit down and just close your eyes and invite the Holy Spirit to walk with you right now and remember we can grief the Holy Spirit by lying to him and so we start by The Prayer by inviting the Holy Spirit he's in us right now the third person of Trinity we now going to pray with him prompting us so we can hear the voice of Jesus and we do not Harden our hearts let's take a moment to just do that and we do that now by doing a
00:55:24 prayer of thankfulness let's take a few mmons seated there thank God for all he has done for you thank him for him giving his son to die for us thank you for the day thank you for this church we start off with thankfulness being aware the spirit is walking with you let's take a few moments to do that [Music] Lord as we enter your presence as a body as your people pray there is power so Holy Spirit reain on us and now where you seated I want you to think back the last time you had a quarrel a unpleasant
00:56:29 words and I want you to think of your version of it and I want you to take that version give it to the Lord and then just ask one question did you really listen to the other side let's take a few moments to just process that it could be a fight you had at home it could be in the office it could be in church and you just buried it let's just take a moment to just recall it and take it to the Cross Lord as we just go through this prayer a prayer of remembrance we now come to that most important part A Prayer of
00:57:33 repentance where you're seated I ask you to as you as the Holy Spirit walked with you through that event do you feel you need to repent if it is because I know I do I'm thinking of an event now in fact I got more than a few and I need to repent I need to get on my knees so let's take a few moments to repent maybe repent because we didn't listen Maybe repent because our words were just strong maybe repent because we were judgmental let just let the Holy Spirit just break us let's take a moment to let
00:58:18 the spirit just flow through us Lord just move quietly and Whisper to us whisper to broken hearts in our midst whisper to Proud hearts Lord Jesus come in our midst and Lord we we end our repentance by focusing on the cross that you feel hurt you feel anger remember on that cross he took all our sins and he bled for us let's take a moment to just think how much God loves you a God that's slow to anger a God that put his righteousness in Us by dying on the cross for us let's just take a few moments to just say
00:59:24 Jesus let us make you the top of Our Lives Lord Jesus we remember we repent and now we renew whatever lies before our us whatever left behind us let us be singing a new song When the Dawn breaks I want you to take a few moments to think of tomorrow and ask yourself how would you face that new day in Victory in hope in Joy or will you wake up in bitterness for the cross leads us to the empty tomb and our Spirits are renewed and we will s and for renewal I'm going to pass a time to brother Brandon to
01:00:29 just take us through the song and let your spirits be renewed as the team just bring us through this last part then I'll close in benediction so brother Brandon as the spirit leads you sing the chus [Music] again stand your church stir the hearts of men revive us Lord with your passion once again I want to care for others like Jesus cares for me let your R fall upon me come Spirit touch your church Spirit touch your church stir the hearts of men revive us Lord with your passion once again I want to
01:01:31 care for others like Jesus cares for me let your fall let's declare these words again without the music sing your voices touch your church hearts of men Rive us Lord with your passion once again I want to care for others like Jesus cares for me let your R fall upon me let your rain let your rain fall upon me let your rain let your rain fall upon me and now the benediction Ephesians 1 verse 17 I ask that the god of our Lord Jesus Christ The Glorious father may give you the spirit of wisdom and Revelation that you may know him
01:02:50 better may we all be wise people not deceived by the devil I pray the eyes of your heart may be open you may know the hope he has caught you that we are rich beyond measure Hallelujah and because we are rich we give we give our time we give to the poor we don't steal we don't work just to hard we got so rich and why because for the riches of his glorious inheritance is where is in his holy people and his glorious great power for us who believe that power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he
01:03:42 rise when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the right hands in the Heavenly realm Lord Jesus we close today we ask that an anointing has come Hearts have been broken Minds have been open that your spirit moves in here and so we pray this prayer that we do not want to pray but we know it's important Lord send to each one in FC someone we can confess our sins to for we are blind to our hearts and you speak through your people and by that we do not grieve the Holy Spirit we we know truth not just in
01:04:35 Doctrine but truths in relationships especially when we have quarrels with loved ones when we have issues in the office may we not just have truths about relationship but truths about the state of our soul about sins we need to deal with whether it is pride or sexual sin or G greed or anger every one of us has a struggle we bring it before the cross and we ask we leave to display the power of your grace and all God's people say amen God bless you all the elders and leaders are here back to listen to you have a great week May the
01:05:17 spirit r on you
