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00:02 1 Corinthians 7. Now, for the matters you wrote about,
00:07 it's good for men not to marry, literally in the Greek, not to touch a woman. But since there's so much
00:14 immorality, each man should have his own wife, each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty
00:19 to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to the husband.
00:26 And all the men said, "Amen." In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone, but also to his
00:33 wife. And all the wives say no thanks. Do not do not deprive each other except
00:40 by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan
00:46 will not tempt you because of a lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish
00:52 that all men were as I am, but each man has his own gift from God. One has this gift, another has that gift. Now to the
01:00 unmarits and the widows, I say it's good for them to stay unmarried as I am. When
01:06 they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it's better to marry than to burn with passion. To the
01:11 married, I give this command, not I, but the Lord. A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must
01:18 remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband, and a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say
01:26 this, I not the Lord. If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she's
01:33 willing to live, sorry, she's willing to live with him,
01:38 he must not divorce her. And a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he's
01:44 willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife,
01:50 and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children will be
01:55 unclean. But as it is they are holy. Verse 15. But if the unbeliever live
02:03 leaves let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such
02:08 circumstances. God has called us to live in peace. How do you know wife whether
02:13 you will save your husband? How do you know husbands whether you will save your wife? Nevertheless, each one should
02:22 remain um should retain the place in life that the Lord has assigned to him
02:28 and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.
02:33 Was a man already circumcised when he was called? Was
02:38 he should not become uncircumcised? Was a man uncircumcised when he was called?
02:44 He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's
02:50 commands is what counts. Each one should retain should remain in the situation
02:55 which he was in when God called him. Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you. Although if
03:02 you can gain your freedom, do so. For the one who was a slave when he was
03:07 called by the Lord is the Lord's freed man. Similarly, he who was a free man
03:13 when he was called is Christ's slave. You were bought at a price. A sounds familiar.
03:19 Where did that come from? Chapter six. You were bought at a price. Do not become slaves of men. Brothers, each man
03:27 as responsible to God should remain in the situation God called him to. Now
03:34 about virgins, I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one
03:39 who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think it's good for you to remain as you are.
03:46 Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. If you do marry, you have not
03:52 sinned. And a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life. And I
03:58 want you I want to spare you this. What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on, those who have wives
04:05 should live as if they had none. Those who mourn as if they did not. Those who
04:10 are happy as if they were not. Those who buy something as if they were not, they asked to keep. Those who use the things
04:16 of this world as if not engrossed in them. For this world in his present form is passing away. I would like you to be
04:23 free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs, how he can please the Lord. But a married
04:31 man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how he can please his wife. And his interests are divided. An
04:37 unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs. Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and
04:45 spirit. But a married woman is cons concerned about the affairs of this world. How she can please her husband.
04:52 I'm saying this for your own good not to restrict you that you may live in a way
04:59 in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone thinks he's acting
05:05 improperly towards the virgin he's engaged to, and if she's getting on in years, and he feels he ought to marry,
05:12 he should do as he wants. He's not sinning. They should get married. But a
05:17 man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion, but is control over his own will, and
05:24 who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin, virgin. This man also does the right thing. So then he who marries
05:31 the virgin does right. And he who does not marry, he does even better. A woman
05:37 is bound to a husband as long as he lives. But if a husband dies, she's free to marry anyone she wishes. But he must
05:44 belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she's happier if she stays as she is.
05:50 And I think that I too have the spirit of God. How many of you think uh how
05:56 many of you are confused already? This is a very difficult portion of
06:01 scripture, right? And uh time is race away. So we'll see how far we cover and
06:07 then maybe you'll come back again for another church camp, right?
06:12 Sorry. So you're now on to part two and you're on the next page, right? God- centered sex, marriage, and singleness.
06:20 Part two. How to glorify God in marriage. Some
06:27 scholars say uh chapter 6 ends one portion of one Corinthians and that may be right and then one Corinthians 7
06:33 onwards is a new portion because he's answering questions of how do Gentiles
06:38 live a new God glorifying lives but God's word is written to be read in
06:45 totality and surely Paul's preoccupation is teaching them to live in a way that
06:51 is pleasing and glorifying to God. So my understanding of this portion is that he's still talking about what it means
06:58 to glorify God as married folk, as sing as widowed folk, as uh divorced folk, as
07:04 abandoned folk and finally as single folk. So firstly for the merits there
07:10 was perhaps mistaken or false teaching in the Corinthian church. They were giving them the wrong marks of
07:15 spirituality, the wrong marks of relig religiosity, the wrong marks of godliness and holiness. And perhaps the
07:22 wrong teaching run along this lines. No, I I'm now in my 50s. I I I feel I'm more
07:28 spiritual. Mon now between us, no more sex. And no more sex is actually very much
07:36 there in Hinduism and Buddhism where what leads you into sin is
07:42 actually desire. And if you can kill off desire, the more desire you kill off, the more you are on
07:49 the path to nirvana. And you kill off every source of desire. So even as you are married, if your wife
07:57 or your husband is the source of your sexual desire, you kill that off. There was perhaps a mutation of it going
08:02 around. And Paul says God didn't bring a man and a woman together for celibacy.
08:08 Common sense, right? He brought you together for fulfillment of your marital
08:13 or conjugal duties, right? So if that if that is correct uh reconstruction and an
08:21 interpretation of this, then what Paul is saying to us is very important here.
08:27 What's he saying? Marriage is actually an invitation to die. Want to write that
08:32 down? An invitation to die to yourself, right? To serve the other person for
08:39 their holiness, for their godliness. And now Paul is talking about sexual union
08:44 within the marriage. He's not just talking about marriage, but the specific area of sexual intimacy and sexual union
08:52 and sexual ministry in marriage. I die to myself rights to serve my god-given
08:58 spouse. So in all the weddings that in all the marriage preparation that we conduct, we ask the people that the
09:04 couples who are dating and courting, right? Uh are you ready to get married? Yes. And by that many of the men, yes.
09:11 Looking forward to consummation. Then I ask, are you ready to die? What's that?
09:19 Because according to Paul, the heart of a godly marriage, the heart of a Christian marriage, the heart of a
09:24 marriage that has the mind and the virtues of Christ that have the permanent marks of God and Jesus and the
09:31 gospel taking root in our hearts is a mind that is OPC. Love is OPC, other
09:38 person centered. More of that in the last talk. And so in Corinth, sex was very
09:45 self-centered. It's all about me. And Paul says that's the world. That's Corinthian. That's
09:52 fleshly. That's carnal. Now in Christ, you switch it around in believing in
09:58 your savior by the grace of God, by the enlightenment of God's spirit, by empowerment of God's uh God's spirit uh
10:05 living within you. So an invitation to die. I exist for your godliness.
10:11 So all the married folk, if you're sitting beside your spouses, you want to turn to them and say, "I exist for your
10:17 godliness." And your spouse has just fainted.
10:23 Really? I was preaching overseas and this uh in Australia and after the sermon, this
10:28 woman on the front pews and pastor Chris, thank you so much for the message. Today I learned a new lesson. I said, "What's the new lesson? That my
10:35 husband is not my enemy." Unknown to her. The husband just went to
10:41 the washroom. She came he came back about five rows from the front. He called, "Pastor Chris, thank you for the
10:46 word of God." I said, "Why? I learned for the first time, my wife is not my enemy."
10:53 How did two best friends in courtship end up as two worst enemies in marriage?
11:02 What happened? Satan and sin happened to you and you still don't think twice about
11:08 it. How did two people who are head over heels in love with each other, right?
11:14 Couldn't wait to get married end up as two enemies in in marriage. And one of
11:19 the main things in marriages is that they withhold their bodies from each other. When you were dating and
11:25 courting, you had no right to each other's hands, you know, no right to each other's shoulders, right? Mona,
11:31 come up here. Here's some some illustration. When we are dating, right? So, so then
11:39 you get more intimate already proposed like that. Your whole shoulder, whole
11:44 hand, whole ankle. Uh, sorry, she's holding my ankle. Irresistible ankles.
11:49 Um, no. Sorry. Thank you, Mona. Right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Isn't it strange? Huh? When you and I actually
11:57 had no spiritual right to each other's bodies when you're dating in court in in
12:02 marriage, when you have every spiritual and legal right to each other's bodies, you deny each other and play sexual
12:09 power and sexual politics. What on earth happened to you? Satan and sin happened to you.
12:15 And some of you may be in that zone right now. Have been in that zone for a very long time. And Paul says a
12:23 husband's body does not belong to him alone but belongs to the wife. A wife's body does not belong to her alone but
12:30 belongs to her husband. So fulfill your marital conjugal duties to each other.
12:35 Right? If that is the if that is the theology and the teaching which I think perhaps is more right than wrong. Next
12:41 thing. So be a giver not a beggar.
12:46 Offer your bodies. Hey all about bodies. Offer your bodies to your spouses.
12:51 So, let me ask you, who has the higher sex drive? Men or women?
12:56 All the women say men. All the men say I'm normal. How do you know mine is higher than
13:02 others? You measured
13:09 we anecdotally, right? just by listening to things and then existentially from
13:15 your own experience from your own existence you conclude that men have a higher sex libido and drive and need but
13:23 the the problem the only problem for me is that I look throughout scripture I don't find that that men were created by
13:29 God with a higher sex drive and men and women are created equal in God equal in our image equal in our
13:36 humanity equal in our equal in our sexualities right but anecdotally and
13:41 Existentially it may be true, right? Men have a higher sex drive, but I've had uh
13:47 counseling and ministry situations where the wife says to me, you know, every night I'm available for my husband,
13:54 but every night he's not available now. Uh another job, another project, another
13:59 deadline. Boss was hard with him. Uh colleagues, uh clients are pressurizing him. He's so pressured he can't do it.
14:07 And every night for the last three to five years, Pastor Chris, my pillow, if
14:12 we my pillow is full of tears. You know, in the 60s, send me the pillow that you
14:21 sleep on. So romantic, right? But all the married folk, please keep your pillow. It's full of sliver.
14:28 If this wife could send the pillow to her husband, it'll be full of tears.
14:34 What's the lesson? Sexual rejection is arguably in marriage the most painful
14:39 rejection. Please write it down somewhere. Sexual rejection is arguably the most painful rejection because it's
14:46 rejecting of the whole person. I'm available for you but you're not
14:51 available for me. What on earth happened to us? So we play sexual politics because Satan works on our sin in this
14:58 area. So under Christ in hearing the gospel we are converted
15:04 and we are increasingly sanctified. The mind moves from body for myself to body
15:10 for the other. This is ministry right? This is ministry
15:15 to each other. So how I practice this uh how I practice this is I take a shower, I wrap a towel, I stand at the door and
15:23 then I say I'm available. Sometimes got takers, sometimes no
15:29 tickets, it's all right. But as long as I stand there and I make myself available,
15:35 you get the message or not. Ah, so don't wait for your husband and wife to beg.
15:41 They shouldn't be begging for something that God has given to them. Be a giver.
15:48 Don't be a beggar. Right? And so I don't think I'll ever be invited back for the
15:54 church camp. This is the end of the story. It's so x-rated.
16:00 So how do we men uh how do you apply this? The mind of Christ
16:06 serving I die to self to serve my wife. Women we said are not turned on by
16:12 sight. They are turned on not simply by romance. That's perhaps too light-hearted. Too easy maybe a
16:18 stereotype or caricature. And difference between a caricature and a characteristic is a caricature is has
16:24 more deluded parts to it and a characteristic has more truthful parts to it. Well,
16:31 characteristic of how women are wired up is that women are turned on by love. Men
16:37 are turned on by lust. And the two things are quite different. Men, we are quite dichotomized between
16:44 the head and the body. That's why you know we are walking around like that.
16:49 But women are tightly knit, right? They are turned on by loving thoughts, loving
16:54 words and loving actions. So men, if you want good sex, healthy
16:60 sex in your married lives, you got to do that because you see difference between
17:07 men and women, right? Husband and wife can quarrel over dinner. Dinner at 7:00, 8:00.
17:13 Then by 10 p.m. 11 p.m. you see your wife in a various stages of undress. And
17:19 then you're thinking, "Yes, And she's saying, "No."
17:25 Why not? Cuz we just had a call at 8:00 p.m. But he's saying that was 8:00 p.m.
17:32 But now it's 11:00 p.m. You see, you are more like that. She's
17:37 like that. She is like that. She's wired up like that. You think you call me at
17:43 7:00 p.m. then 10 p.m. want to make love? Which planet you come from?
17:48 Mars. That's why men from Mars, woman from Venus. Oh, Venus. Is that Did I get that right?
17:54 Or men from Venus, woman from Mars. Two different planets. Huh? Yeah. So,
18:01 if that's true, then we men have to be more practical in our love through the day. Send them a note. I love you,
18:09 darling. What are you doing? Right. Don't eat so much. Uh,
18:14 watch your weight. Fine. I just look at your old photo. You look better. Don't say such things. Okay.
18:25 And so you help out. You help out. I don't know. In my family, we have no
18:31 domestic helper. But the theology in my family is no m domestic helper. There are four servants. Father, mother, two
18:38 children. H. So my rest day after a whole week of ministry, after a whole busy Sunday is
18:45 to go back, wash the toilet, uh mop the floor. I enjoy housework because it's brainless work cuz a whole week of
18:53 thinking, a whole week of investing others. I'm mentally zero, emotionally zero. And the thing that will kickstart
18:59 my mental thing and my emotional thing is doing physical things. So the paradigm shift in my life is I move from
19:06 household chores to household joys. Ah, you want to make that shift? I said it
19:11 so fast you didn't get it but here you saw it in Malaysia very easily just hire more mates they're very
19:18 cheap what then hire international United Nations one one from Indonesia one from Philippines one from right
19:26 so there are no mates in my family there are four servants so if you want to
19:31 prepare your wife see for us the sexual union for men begins in the bedroom begins on the bed instantaneously turn
19:39 on for the woman the love making begins in the lounge room begins in the kitchen
19:46 whether you are helpful whether you are thoughtful whether you are loving so
19:51 after this camp when you make the paradigm shift right when you see your husband washing the dishes
19:58 you know he's thinking about it he washed the plate three times already
20:05 you know he's really thinking about it you got young babies Right. Right. And
20:12 uh he changed the nappy but he changed so many nappies. Uh he's helping you his
20:19 mind is on something. He learned something at the cam that the sexual act doesn't believe in
20:25 the begin in the bedroom begins in the loun room begins in the car begins on the phone. The whole day of loving acts.
20:33 Oh pastor Chris is very tiring. No as long as is needed to turn her on. whole
20:38 day to turn her on. Yala, she's different. What? What to do? And
20:45 final thing, if she's still not turned on, give her a massage. And when I run uh the marriage
20:51 preparation class, right, all the men sitting down there are listening to this. They're about to fall off their chair. They regret coming to that class,
20:58 right? I said, "How long do I give her the massage?" And I said, "Half an hour
21:03 to to 1 hour is good." Most of them have a heart attack. 1 hour waiting.
21:10 So I said you either massager or you buy osim chair. So which one? Oima is very expensive.
21:17 You know $8,000 sing dollars. I do not know. I can't afford it. I can't.
21:23 So as long as it's needed for women, the way you serve your
21:29 husbands as often as is needed. If it's anecdotally true. And some of you
21:35 sitting down and said, "Hey, Pastor Chris, what if my husband's a sex maniac?
21:42 Some things I have answers for, some things I don't have answers. How can I help you with that question?"
21:49 You know, I didn't know he was like that before. I got yella. You didn't know? Of course, because you're not supposed to
21:54 sleep around before you get married, right? But now I know. Then what to do? You have to do law.
22:02 So sex for him is like going to the doctor know tablets three times a day
22:08 before and after meals that six times a day as long as
22:14 is is needed. Which ministry is the most important in
22:20 church? I do not know the word ministry. Uh yes it is.
22:26 But if I fail my wife in this area, I fail. Every other need wired into me by
22:32 God can be met by somebody else. But my sexual need and my sexual hunger
22:39 can only be met by my God-given wife. Amen. So which hunger is more important to
22:46 satisfy? Your physical stomach gastronomic hunger
22:51 or your sexual hunger? Your physical stomach gastronomic hunger
22:57 can be met by anyone. Every hawker around here,
23:03 your sexual need and hunger wired into you by God can only be met by your
23:10 God-given spouse. Amen. This is our first order ministry.
23:16 There is a very tight link between spirituality and sexuality, sexual purity. And here is a passage and I can
23:23 show you the Old Testament passages, Songs of Songs, Proverbs that tells you do not be do not find
23:31 satisfaction in another man's in another woman's bosom. Find satisfaction in the
23:37 wife of your youth. Be satisfied by the breast of the wife of your youth. Huh?
23:43 What did I just mention? Breast. That's Proverbs 5:18 to20. The first
23:51 time as a young Christian, I read the word. I closed the Bible. Did I just read this?
23:56 It's the Bible. It is. You don't find out how to conduct your
24:02 sexual lives and relationships by googling the internet.
24:08 You find out how to run God- centered relationships in marriage and true marriage. Amen. Uh in in the Bible and
24:15 through the Bible. Who says the word of God doesn't speak to every area of our
24:21 life? Who says the Bible is not the final and sole authority in all matters of life and conduct?
24:28 That's a lie of the devil, a lie of the world, a lie of your flesh. Here is God speaking through Paul about this. Got
24:36 it? Next thing, I think time has run short, but let's go for this. So if you're going to abstain from sex
24:42 in marriage, there's no such thing as celebrate marriages until perhaps you come to a season maybe there's a
24:48 sickness, maybe there is a crisis, maybe there's an accident and your husband or
24:54 wife is uh rendered unable to perform in this way or unable to satisfy or
24:59 minister in this way. Right? But for many of us who are ableboded through the different seasons of life, the only time
25:06 you refrain is by mutual agreement. You can never make a unilateral decision. I
25:11 Christian decided to be most more spiritual. Mona, no more sex from this point onwards. That's not allowed. It's
25:17 temporary for a time. It is to pray to resolve a problem. We don't really know.
25:23 I read so many commentators, they go all sorts of things, but the in humble recognition, it is to resolve something
25:29 by prayer and then you must resume or else or else take a look at this.
25:36 then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self. What on earth is Paul talking
25:43 about now? He's talking about the sacredness of the marriage bed. And he's
25:48 speaking about the sacredness of the marriage bed. He says if you don't do it God's way, Satan's going to turn up on
25:54 your marriage bed, which tells you that every area of your
26:01 life is a spiritual battlefield. Is that right? You either live it God's way under the
26:07 lordship of Jesus by his word by his spirit. If you don't live it God's way, a man and woman offering their bodies as
26:14 living sacrifices to serve each other's God-given needs, then if you refrain from this permanently, Satan is going to
26:21 come and tempt you because of your lack of self-control. So basically, as you read this letter,
26:28 it's two ways to live. You either live by your unconverted, unrepentant
26:34 Corinthian values or you live it by your converted Christian values where the
26:40 permanent marks of God and Jesus and the gospel start to take root in your life
26:46 and changes every moment of your life. Amen. I think I have time only for that
26:52 and we'll leave the rest to another time because you have uh discussion groups for the next hour.
26:59 Maybe one or two questions before we end our time. Then I'll pray together.
27:13 If not, can we stand and pray together?
27:29 All that you say to us, all that you reveal yourself in your word fulfilled in your son is true.
27:36 And your word sets us free from the lies that we have been so used to and the
27:41 halftruths. Thank you for telling us to Paul the Apostle
27:46 this what some of us were. Sexually immoral, idolattorous,
27:53 adulterous, thieves, homosexual, greedy, all the
27:60 things that have nothing to do with you. Please thank you. We thank you for warning us that we who continue and
28:08 perpetuate in this behaviors will not inherit the kingdom of God.
28:14 So may we stop faking it by mere external churchgoing but no internal and
28:21 true crossbearing and Christ following. May your word and your spirit bring true
28:29 conversion and repentance in our life that we would love you and love your
28:34 word and love the things that please you and glorify you.
28:39 So help us never to trash our bodies anymore. If our eyes have looked upon things and
28:46 still looking upon things we shouldn't. Our hearts are lusting after things and people we have no right to long after.
28:53 Our feet have taken us to places we should never have gone. If we have started relationships that we have no
28:60 business starting yet, let alone enjoy. We pray, we confess, and we pray for
29:07 graced repentance that comes from dying to self and rising to new life by your
29:14 grace and by your spirit. Thank you for this liberating truth that
29:20 we are not our own. We were bought at a price. We are now to glorify you with
29:25 our bodies. We thank you for this deepen understanding of what marriage is. That
29:32 the heart of marriage is us ministering to each other, dying to sell rights to
29:37 fulfill our God-given responsibilities. And even as we read in 1 Corinthians 7,
29:42 fulfilling our God-given responsibilities for the sexual needs and the sexual purity of our God-given
29:48 spouses. We ask for forgiveness. We ask for healing if we have hurt and
29:55 harm each other in this very intimate area of our lives that perhaps could have come from wrong thinking and wrong
30:02 living. And now enlightened by you and empowered by your spirit. We pray that
30:08 as husbands who no longer consider our bodies our own but to serve our wives.
30:13 And as wives who consider our bodies not our own but to serve our husbands. and
30:18 consider this a beautiful ministry to each other that you might be glorified
30:23 in us and through us. Hear our prayers, oh God, that we'll be
30:28 a shining light from the most intimate areas of our lives to the most public display of disciplehip
30:36 and change our relationships from worldly, Corinthian, fleshly and carnal
30:41 to really God- centered and God glorifying relationships in Jesus name we ask and pray. Amen.
