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00:00 the Sister Magdalene around. Where's Sister Magdalene and Gary? There they are. Just look at a lovely lady out
00:06 there. Sister Magdalene. Okay. And Gary and uh Brandon and Sulie, please stand
00:12 up so we at least know everybody know them. Please stand up. Please stand up. All right. All right. Thank you. There's
00:18 the ad. We are looking for couples. Okay. We are looking specifically for
00:24 couples and who have a heart for other couples. And if you do have that, please
00:31 talk to either one of them. They'll make themselves available at the end of this service. Uh you don't have to be
00:37 extremely skilled. They will do the coaching. You just need to have the heart. So let me explain a little bit
00:43 before go on. What is family life ministry? This is our DNA plan courtesy of Brandon. Uh this is Brandon's
00:51 brainstorm idea. But uh I fleshed this out. You see my name everywhere doesn't mean anything. You just you just need a
00:56 guy's name, right? So these are these are six divisions. All right. The first is the the para counseling training and
01:04 we will start off by training the gama. From the training the gama we will train the life groups. The whole idea is that
01:10 every one of you here should be equipped to love others.
01:16 So this is it and the team comes from a group called the advocates. There are 15
01:21 here. All of them have gone through training. They are both have been exposed to scripture and also
01:28 professional forms of counseling. So that when you have people who have some form of borderline bipolar, depression,
01:35 anxiety attacks, these are the team and already four of them from here have moved to the training there. So this
01:41 advocate 15 of them they will also help me in our outer calls. So this is a new
01:46 department which we are trying to move out. Marriage and parenting is currently anchored by uh Mary and Gag uh Gary and
01:54 Brandon. We're hoping to find a pastor to anchor this. This one is still up in the air. They do premarital and Brandon
02:02 and and Sulie have been doing a great job for this for many years. Very faithful. And Magdalene and Gary will be
02:09 helping us in the causes and divorce support. And this is critical. Now, why
02:14 am I telling you this? Because people come to church and they don't know what we have. So if you're going through a
02:20 struggle, please avail yourself and you you feel it's embarrassed, you can talk to me privately. So there's a second
02:27 department. There's clinical counseling and there's mani and she's been very faithful together with Caroline. In
02:34 fact, both of them have been doing this very quietly for years. By the way, these are the kind of ministries you
02:40 don't shout to the world on, you know, because it's very private. And I know for example yesterday my man my gave me
02:46 a report she's packed there a lot of people here who quietly are seeing her at every level of our church every
02:53 level. So she's been very faithfully doing it and she'll handle anything if you have children or family members have
02:59 OCD any form of mental issues she's trained and then we have our advocates
03:06 we can't do that but we perhaps have learned a little bit more and so that's
03:11 all and we hope to be able to share it. We have the intercession team. What happens the intercession team is that
03:17 you cannot do any of this without prayer. And so for example, Mani when she has a
03:23 case, she would contact the prayer team and the prayer team will intercede and it's completely confidential. No one
03:29 knows about it. We don't even reveal the names of the intercessors. So if you are you are counseling someone
03:38 who's going through a divorce or something you got to be very careful you're not going on your own strength you know and you may say something and
03:45 you think you're helping actually you may be making it worse so the way to do this is get the Holy Spirit on your side
03:51 you just contact us we will give you very privately the name of the intercessor there's one male and one
03:57 female and they will intercede for you and lastly with external counselors Mac and
04:04 Gary are very trained. They legal firms give them divorce cases. So they are
04:09 doing that. The church council elders passes cases to them. When we have very difficult issues, we consult them. Many
04:17 has been faithfully with us and with children we send them to kin and kids
04:24 because they're Christian based and the president of the national association of Christian counselors is with them. So if
04:29 you have children and you struggle with issues and you believe it's medical talk to us you know why also we can get you a
04:37 better price because that's true because church base we're able to help a little bit in volume so that's our DNA we are
04:45 now in year two year one last year was the conference to train us so we have another three more years to go to
04:51 evaluate so that's where we are this morning uh let me tell you a story once
04:57 upon a time there were two brothers. The older brother was what you call a
05:04 man. He was a big man. He was, you know, he was the man. Know what I'm saying? He
05:10 was the man. Hairy guy. Big fellow. What did he like to do in his spare time? He
05:15 was an outdoor guy. Oh, he was a hunter.
05:20 How about a younger brother? Is a younger brother like him? Me? Younger brother was a little bit more.
05:27 He liked to floss around a little bit. What did the younger brother do in his spare time? He played video games,
05:34 Fortnite. You know, all you old people don't know this. Please talk to your children.
05:41 Now, the older boy was daddy's boy. Ah, you know, like father, like son, they
05:48 really pumped it up outdoor. Both were hunters. How about younger boy? younger
05:54 boy, mommy's boy law, you know. Now, the older boy was a womanizer and he brought
06:01 grief to the family, to both mom and dad. It was a dysfunctional family. The
06:06 older boy brought a lot of grief. And the father was, as he got older, his
06:12 eyesight got very bad. He couldn't make decisions very right. And although he had a wife who was a wonderful wife, she
06:19 was a schemer. Man, was she a schemer?
06:25 Who am I talking about? I'm talking about Jacob and Esau.
06:32 Welcome to your Bible that talks about families. You know, we are trying to build gospel
06:40 centered communities. What if I change that word to families?
06:47 Isn't that just as relevant? So this morning, we're going to spend some time into this. And I and I I pray as you
06:54 start off, you you you right now think of your mom and your dad. Uh if you're
07:00 married, your children, your relatives, your husbands, your wives. Get your mind
07:07 into that frame. And again, I want to start off with a prayer in Malay. Why do
07:13 I do that? is not to show off my Malay but one day you and I will come before
07:18 God and he will ask us how did we preach the good news to the majority race in
07:24 this country and we will say we didn't have an opportunity and he may tell you
07:30 well if you had learned the language and you had learned to be a Jew to a Jew to
07:36 a gentile to a gentile as what Paul taught you may have started to build a
07:41 bridge So
07:48 for those of you who don't understand, we're just going to do a short simple prayer in Malay.
08:03 for
08:32 the moment
08:50 Amen. We will take Deuteronomy 6 is a easy
08:56 text. Uh it's broken up into a few parts. Let me give you the the bigger
09:03 picture, the context. This is what people call as the shea. You don't need
09:08 to be a scholar to know this. There are three texts in the Torah, which begin
09:15 with this word here, O Israel, the Lord our the the our God, the Lord is one.
09:24 There are three of them and they're known as the Sheima. And our Jewish friends practice this. Now the shima is
09:31 a call to prayer. In in Jewish literature they call it shea Yahweh or
09:36 shea Israel. Now that is taken from a larger picture known as the decalogue. And that is
09:44 simply coming from two words that's in chapter five deca and lo which is logos
09:50 which means the word of god. Uh let me give it to you. And the decal is simply the ten commandments. So the way to
09:57 understand this text is to understand it in context of the ten commandments and
10:04 to understand it in this very strong declaration against idolatry. That is
10:10 our framework that we're going to do. And basically what Moses is teaching us is to move the ten commandments from a
10:18 contract to a covenant. That's the misunderstanding. From tablets of stone to heart. And that's why the ten
10:25 commandments, he reminds them, you know what, no point memorizing it if you
10:31 don't love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength. No point saying that, you know
10:37 what, I've done all the ten commandments. I've been a good boy if the intent to love God is not there. So
10:45 it reminds us that the ten commandments is covenant-driven and it requires every
10:51 inch of you. Your heart which has been renewed by the mind, the soul which
10:57 means in ancient Hebrew it means every part of a person's being and the might
11:02 which means the willpower. Think of it like a marriage and God wants the ten
11:08 covenant ten commandments to be like a marriage to us. So he was so in love with God. All these things flow out. I
11:16 want to take you through a few parts of verse 7 and I want to see whether you pick up a a a
11:24 continuity, a common denominator. Impress them on your children. I've
11:29 highlighted them. Talk about them when you sit at home. We'll come to the other verses later. Verse nine, write them on
11:37 the door frames, on your houses, and on your gates. So here's how you break the verse. The the the the commandment is
11:43 given verse five. What is it? Is to love the Lord. Okay. How do you do it? Verse six
11:50 to 8 tells you how to do it. That's how you break it. But it's in two parts. Now what's the common denominator?
11:56 Are we talking about the church here? We're not talking about the church, you
12:02 know. So this great commandment to love your Lord your God, this great
12:08 commandment about the ten commandment that fills up every part of scripture
12:14 where Jesus says I come to fulfill it. The starting point is not church. What's
12:20 the starting point? The home.
12:25 So here is one very big misunderstanding.
12:32 We think disciplehip begins in the church.
12:38 It doesn't. It begins at home. You know, Asians have a habit, we like to
12:45 subcontract everything. So, because here labor cheap ma, you go
12:50 to Australia, you die, everything you do yourself. Here
12:55 leaking call the Bangla. We were racial about it, you know. Call the Bangla. Bangla guy kind of fix the plumbing for
13:00 you. Oh, your house no one take care. Call a Filipino
13:07 mate. See very racial indon. Oh, got security problem.
13:16 Correct. So everything is subcontracted out. So for our children's spiritual
13:23 needs, we subcontract out to Sunday school or
13:28 my job is to bring back the bacon or in a halal country like that. Probably bad
13:34 illustration, but bring back the moola. Hey, I'm very tired, you know, every day
13:39 go and work, you know, come back where got time. So I subcontract this to Sunday school.
13:46 I'm not equipped. So simply I got tution teacher to teach
13:52 my kids maths and all of that. I got the church to do this ma. So we subcontract.
13:59 But the verse is very clear. What does the verse say? Impress them on your children. It didn't
14:07 say go and talk to the Sunday school or the youth and ask them to teach your children. Did I read that there? It's
14:13 not there. It's your job. And then you say, "Well, I'm not
14:20 trained. I don't know the Bible very well. You know, I I I feel I'm not equipped." And so
14:27 God gives you the way. Talk about them when you sit, when you
14:34 walk, when you lie down, when you get up. You You see the train? What happens
14:42 when you sit, walk, lie, and get up? He's basically saying make loving God
14:50 your DNA at home. Infuse it so much into your family life
14:57 because they always say children see children do. If children see you having a certain
15:03 behavior at home inconsistent with your behavior in church, you can be a
15:09 preacher in FBC. It has no value to them because children learn how to adapt and
15:16 they won't tell you because you're going to whack them. So they keep quiet. Now this morning I'm not going to make this
15:22 so much a parenting things but this applies to any family member especially if they're not Christian. They see you
15:29 and that's why the text tells you walk, lie down, get up, sit every single
15:37 activity. Why do we have a problem with this? Because we have another issue in the New
15:43 Testament. They like to talk about this heresy known asnosticism. Nosticism is the is the thing when you divide your
15:50 world into two parts. Without going to the philosophical details innosticism
15:55 one part is where I'm I'm all very holy. This part the bodily part doesn't matter. It actually comes from a Greek
16:02 thinking from plateau. If you really want to go back to those kind of philosophy now we say oh there's all
16:07 philosophy we don't practice this. I know you do. You do. Let me give you example.
16:18 Why didn't we pray this morning for this for 49 people who died?
16:26 And I want to say this in humility. I I didn't even pray about it
16:32 because on a subconscious level we are saying church is about spiritual stuff.
16:39 This is not spiritual stuff. Wow, 49 people die. It's not spiritual stuff.
16:44 You see that's nasticism. We we have unconsciously split our world into two parts. The church is talk about things
16:50 like oh you know let's talk about morality, let's talk about disciplehip, let's talk about prayer. This that's CNN
16:58 news. Now why why is this disturbing? I want to tell you and I want to I want to
17:04 humbly suggest it's a particular problem with conservative evangelicals. Can I humbly say that? Because there's a very
17:10 subconscious arrogance we have. We think we are biblically correct. So everyone else is wrong. So let me just give you
17:16 this. This was a statement by Senator Fraser Anning and it's gone viral a bit.
17:23 Have you known it? His statement on the New Zealand mosque shooting is a contradiction. Number one, he condemns
17:30 it. Then after that, he basically blames it on the Muslims, which is really
17:35 appalling reading of history. He forgets that under the Crusades, Christians massacred
17:41 a lot of people. We can go all the way to Oliver Cromwell and the rest of it, but let's not go there. But what was
17:47 very disturbing to me was his last remark because he quotes the Bible as we read in Matthew 26:52.
17:55 All that take the sword shall perish by the sword. Now if I'm a Muslim and I read this, what do I think is the
18:01 religion of this senator Christian? And you read his website, he's got all
18:08 the credentials. He's pro life. He's anti-gay.
18:14 Last year he made a call for Australia to be brought back as a Christian nation. So if I'm a Muslim, I read this.
18:20 What does it think it tells me about Christians? Now why am I telling you this? Because
18:26 what really bothered me was and here's a reflection all of I'm not judging anyone. Why did we not pray about it?
18:32 Because it it it didn't it didn't seem relevant
18:37 yet the secular world talks about this. And I checked the website on responses
18:44 from churches. Only one church responded to denounce him. You know what church was that? The Catholic church.
18:51 So I want to do a bit of soularching in the morning. The problem with us is we
18:56 have separated the worlds. We think disciplehip is on Sundays where
19:02 we do prayer and small group meetings and we are trying to be authentic and
19:08 worship. I'm telling you that's what not not what Deuteronomy says. Deuteronomy says is on
19:14 your week days when you work when you do all these things. They are disciplehip and the starting
19:22 point is the family. You see disciplehip begins not at home.
19:31 It involves the church. But here's the problem. When does it involve the
19:36 church? Is normally when you have a problem. So suddenly a guy's marriage breaks down. They may call the churches
19:43 because they don't know where else to go. Can you help? Suddenly the issue with parenting they call the church and
19:49 says you know what can we help? So only when is at a crisis mode the church
19:56 comes in. Now what Deuteronomy is telling you is Deuteronomy 6 text is
20:03 telling you that we should learn to do prescriptive and preventive
20:10 meaning don't wait until your family life is a complete mess before you call
20:16 the pastors or the elders and say can I talk to my need counselor
20:24 and I'm almost going to plead with you on And I this is a great illustration which
20:31 Brandon uh gave me. You know I it really stuck. You see it's a very simple illustration
20:37 and I the second point I pick it up. If you take care of your health, you don't need to see the doctor so much.
20:44 So if you take care of your family lives according to scripture, the chances of your marriage life breaking down, your
20:51 parenting issues having problems is less. In fact, there's a very strong
20:57 indicator on this verse in this which I'm going to tell you in the second point. But God wants you in this text to
21:05 have a good family life, a healthy family life. Number two, sometimes you can't avoid it. They go to school, they
21:12 learn bad things. Your spouse or your parents or relatives are not Christians. You have issues. So you learn to take
21:19 simple medicine which the church can come alongside and help where you don't need the professionals. You just learn
21:26 to go to live groups and you share and someone can counsel you with some little things. But what's happening right now
21:34 and and I confess this morning is a bit heavy is that we keep quiet because Chinese is very py.
21:41 We don't like to talk about these things. So we keep it inside. We keep it inside because we are so afraid the
21:46 whole world knows about it and everyone talks about it and we don't want anyone to know about my problem with my son
21:52 because actually he's gay and I don't know what to do anything about it or I have a problem with my wife and we've
21:58 been having it for 10 years but we don't know what to do with it. I I can't talk to my dad and my relative cheats me of
22:05 money and you keep it you keep it. You keep it until it's about to break then you call for the ambulance and what the
22:11 text is telling you don't do that. That's actually very stupid. You start off by opening up. Now, that
22:19 takes courage. It takes confidentiality. And that's why this is called a family life ministry sermon. I want to plead
22:25 with you that the church wants to help. If you would come alongside, if you will
22:31 have the courage to maybe talk to one of us to say, you know what, I have a bit of struggle. I'm not going to tell anyone else. We will at least pray for
22:37 you. perhaps connect you to the right people and perhaps together as a
22:43 spiritual family we can come and help you.
22:48 Why? Because Deuteronomy is tied to the story of the Exodus. And the next text
22:54 tells us when your son asks you what is the meaning of the stipulation decrees and laws the Lord God has commanded you
23:01 or in simple English that why do we live this way? Why can't we do this? Why why
23:07 are you different from other people? And in that time he says we were slaves of pharaohs in Egypt and you tell your son
23:14 we were slaves in sin and God rescued your dad because your
23:20 dad was completely screwed up and God took me out of my bondage of sin and God
23:26 changed me son and that's why our family lives this way. I'll go a little bit
23:32 more in detail to that. the Exodus rescue involves family or to be more
23:37 accurate the gospel rescue and families. I'm going to give you a list of things on here and I want to ask you honestly
23:45 at the end of the service if you can come to me and tell me are we
23:51 practicing this? Are we doing this right? I really need to hear from you because if it's not we we have work to
23:57 do. Do we know the needs of families?
24:04 How do we deal with sin in families? Or we say, "Oh, it's not a church ground. None of my business." How do we teach
24:11 family members to love each other? I have this problem when I look at
24:17 someone, I forget that he's married. I forget that he has children and and and I I I struggle with this. So sometime I
24:22 talk to men, I forget that they are they have they have family members and maybe they have issues. I I I sometime look at
24:29 people at their service providers. You know, how do you support those who have
24:34 difficult marriages? Some churches have a divorce support group.
24:39 I had a widow come up to me and she told me because she left our church and she went to another church. And I said why?
24:46 She said because in ABC she feels invisible. Do you know we have a we have a tendency
24:52 to center this church on older people with children. If you're not in that category, you are second class.
25:00 very subconsciously this morning heavy guys but let's let's do some soularching
25:05 what happens your children is gay what happens he's got substance abuse problems what happen is in prison
25:13 and in Chinese culture is Chinese have this shame issue don't you think it's
25:18 our job to come alongside them how about simple thing like empty neester the kids have gone off to to
25:25 study and suddenly dad comes home empty and lonely.
25:31 That's one good word, loneliness. If FBC does not do this, we are not
25:39 creating disciples. Do not mistaken that that this misunderstanding that church
25:45 is not to talk about all these things because they centered self. That's utter rubbish. It's not that it's wrong to
25:52 talk about marriage or families or careers. It's how you talk about it. If I if I preach this without Christ, I'm
25:58 wrong. But we preach this with Christ in the center. We are talking about
26:04 discipling in every area of our life. Let me give you example of a person and
26:10 you tell me what do you think happened to him. All right? And I'm going to give you a clue.
26:17 This is this could be like anybody. I just picked this off the net. He was born in 1967. He's one year
26:23 younger than me. His mother died giving birth to him. After being raised by his Buddhist grandmother in Hong Kong, he
26:30 came to America at age of five. His father remarried and his stepmother died in a car accident when he was nine. Then
26:37 his father died of cancer when he was 12 years old. The only close relatives he had were his aunt and uncle. But when he
26:43 was high school, his aunt and uncle got in a fight and his uncle shot his wife
26:49 and then killed himself. I know some of you know who this is. Don't say anything.
26:54 The losses were profound physical and verbal affection his family particular to his father was rare because a lot of
26:60 people don't know this person. His only memory affection from his dad came when he and his father were on the way to his
27:06 stepmother's funeral and his father put his arm around him for about 30 seconds. If my life was like this
27:13 if my life was like this me being such a soft pamper person I'll have gone into depression.
27:19 And if you're honest yourself, most of us who have gone into depression because this person basically had a very
27:26 rough childhood. Who is this person?
27:32 He's one of the most godly men on the face of this earth.
27:38 What happened to shift this man, Francis Chan, from such a dysfunctional family
27:46 to becoming a model example? and he's got a great family life.
27:51 And you read his history, he'll tell you somebody stood in the gap. In fact, two
27:56 people stood in the gap. One applies to all of you.
28:02 Spiritual family. Spiritual family. Further on in chapter
28:09 10, okay, this is you don't have to turn to it. All right?
28:15 He says this. He tells them on the same day, the Lord
28:20 your God, and let me read it to you in chapter 10 verse1 17 shows no he defends
28:26 the cause of the fatherless. This is a extension of the sheima. He defends the
28:32 cause of the widow and loves the alien. And you church are to love those who are
28:40 aliens. And again he goes back to the Exodus for you yourself were aliens in Egypt.
28:46 So it's our job to be the spiritual family to those around us who are
28:51 unfortunate enough to have bad families. It is not the job uh to be subcontracted
28:59 out to the counseling department or the elders or the pastors.
29:06 If someone tells you got a problem and you tell them go and see Peter that's subcontracting.
29:15 So is is a is something very dear to me.
29:20 He turned his life around because the church stood in the gap. And today here I will
29:31 tell you I will tell you
29:36 many in our midst suffer and they suffer quietly. Why? because
29:43 they think people either in ABC don't care
29:48 or they talk too much. I don't know which is worse.
29:54 So, we have work to do. And now, but here's another group that came in. You know what's the other group? The other
30:00 group was his relatives, Christian relatives. So, here's your job.
30:08 You can show love to people in your family, uncles, aunties, sons, parents, anyone
30:15 who struggle. If you cannot start off in your family, in my view, you come to
30:20 church and you can do all your Christian stuff. That's compartmentalization
30:26 because it's all very showy. I'm not a mature Christian because I stand up here and do public Christianity.
30:34 If you do believe I'm mature, it's because you know how I am at home. That's the starting point. Okay, let's
30:41 move on. Huh? And we are now not going to be so heavy. All right. Second point, look at what he says in verse 24. The
30:48 Lord commanded us to obey a decree so that we might always prosper. And this is where all the prosperity gospel say,
30:53 see you do this, God is going to make you fat. Cantonese say, wow, you're going to make money. And to reinforce
30:59 this, we find this in verse one. These are the commandments. You read it. So you may enjoy long life. Wow.
31:07 So this one all the big churches say you do this uh God will prosper you many times for. Is that what the text is
31:15 saying? Now it's true. Two verses here talking about long life talking about prosperity about your family life
31:22 extending. So I want to ask a question here to all the Bible scholars. See FBC is known to be a very Bible- centered
31:29 church. What particular commandment in the ten commandments? No googlingh
31:36 tells you if you follow the commandment you going to have a long life. Come on.
31:42 You're very Bible scholars, right? You all should know this, right? Which is the command? Don't don't give
31:47 me the number. Tell me what does the commandment say? Honor your parents.
31:54 Do you think that's coincidental? Is not. I told you you start off by connecting
32:00 the decalot with the shemer. So when you honor your father and mother you may live long and go well. What is the
32:08 commandment telling you? It's not about prospering. You know it's about
32:14 continuity because if your family is bad there is no continuity.
32:20 But if your family is healthy, there is continuity from generation
32:27 to generation. This W count's favorite topic. And we see this in the first line in
32:34 verse 20 in the future. So what's the second point?
32:41 Develop a generational mindset. And we all don't have in the church. We
32:48 we have another mindset in in Hainanese we call kakang mindset.
32:53 You don't understand it. It means my own kind mindset. So I will gather with
32:58 people my age. The young people will go that side and the tribes will not meet
33:04 except for the tokens gesture say hi how are you here the clearest best example
33:10 of generational and why I like about this because it's a single parent
33:16 analogy. Let's use all the right terms. How did Timothy become a godly man?
33:24 Ununice and Nidia. Both Louisis and Ununice. Grandmother
33:32 and mother. Hey, how come no man want?
33:37 Yeah, they are widows. Very likely. But the fact is the grandfather is not
33:45 mentioned also. So it means even if some people don't stand in the gap, you can stand in the
33:51 gap. That's why women in many ways are much more empathetic than men because men
33:57 just find their actualization in work. So men their sense of being is work. Everything else is not important. Then
34:03 when they're very old, they regret it. That's why men are quite stupid. I'm telling you, men actually quite stupid.
34:10 But women are more empathetic. So grandmother stood in a gap and this is a
34:16 continuity I'm going I want to teach a bit of this I'm very sure although this inference unice comes in because
34:22 grandmother influence mother you see the connection mother then influences son
34:30 who takes over after that Paul that's family and church joint venture
34:39 that's what we do so Families and church have to work together for disciplehip.
34:45 Here's another management question since all of you. Okay. $5. I haven't asked D
34:50 for all that. They be the first management consultant the Bible. No googling.
34:56 No googling. Oh yeah. They show you the bula.
35:05 Take a check. $5 $10. Shout it out. Wow. All the Bible
35:12 scholars not there. The first management consultant. Wow. Too late already. It's Jetro.
35:20 Because some of you say, "Yeah, I don't know how to talk to Sam. All the young people we very py Sam father missionary
35:28 know the Bible very well. I'm old. I'm very secular. All these young people know their I don't know how to talk to
35:34 them. Never mind. Got good news for you." Jetro also didn't know his Bible very
35:41 well but he had one thing Canton no
35:47 king experience so Moses very you know he tried to do everything hero
35:54 everything do himself so father say hello brother hello
35:60 stud law why you so one you go and learn to do delegation and therefore the first
36:08 management consultant was born. He taught Moses how to delegate authority.
36:15 So don't tell me you cannot talk to our young adults.
36:21 I'll tell you the young adults want you to talk to them. It's just that we don't want to. You can share a lot of things
36:27 to them. Anything. Tell them what's a good whiskey.
36:33 I can tell you single malt van libert 21 years we'll discuss that another day
36:40 anything and whatever topic it is so long is legal and edifying since I brought up whiskey
36:50 anything that builds up they will be encouraged but the problem with us we are we in a very kakang mindset but it's
36:56 our responsibility to do this and there's a very simple reason why you need to do it because you Don't do this.
37:04 I'm going to give you a prophecy how ABC will look like 20 years from now.
37:13 We should just change the labor out there and call it old folks home even better faster.
37:20 Sam and the group there are your future. All you old people don't talk to our 20
37:27 years and 30 years old. You are not doing right. And the story of Jetro is this
37:34 mentorship can be simple. You don't need to be a biblical giant. Come, I'm going to mentor you like a seafood. No, no,
37:40 like this. Not Bruce Lee. Jetro mentored Moses only one day.
37:46 There's still mentorship. So we all have a work to do done for us. So I want to humble ask all you old
37:53 people. I want to I'm old. I'm 53. Yeah. I want to ask you God put in your heart.
37:59 Find one of the young people. Ask them how was their day, how were how's their
38:04 families, how their marriages, how's their work? Is that too hard to ask or not? And then try to build
38:11 relationships. Now I'm going to take something bit more. We're going to go into a bit of
38:16 psychology. Yeah. Family life ministry. But psychology, some of you may not believe in that. My view is that
38:21 psychology must be tempered with scripture. I want to teach you a little bit of what is called as transactional
38:27 analysis therapy by Dr. Eric Burn. We'll just take a short while on this. One of the things about issues about people is
38:33 we always ask ourel is it nature or nurture? So some people come and tell me my kid is like that. I don't know why is
38:40 he like that. I try to bring him out right but he's like that. So the question is is it nature it is his DNA
38:47 or was it an upbringing issue? Is is a is is a big issue. And the classic story
38:52 that answers this is the story of the two sons I brought up, Jacob and Esau. Because the story tells
38:59 us that Jacob came out first. No, Esau came out first and Jacob had a back claw him so to say. The whole idea was that
39:07 this family has a family line of being manipulative. Abraham was a liar. He
39:13 lied to Pharaoh about the wife. Isaac exact template lied. He was a
39:18 manipulator. And you go on it spikes in Jacob. It goes on to Joseph. So this
39:24 family line has one particular sin is called they are manipulators. And it extends to the extended family like
39:31 Laban and all of that. The relatives are also manipulators. But here's my question to you. Is Jacob the deceiver
39:40 what it is because of nature or nurture?
39:46 Or is it a combination of both? What do you guys think? It's both.
39:53 How do we know it's a combination of both? Because of this story.
39:58 Because the mom, he favors Jacob. Now, I want to read
40:06 this text to you a little bit. Uh he says, "When Rebecca was listening, Isaac spoke to his son. When Esau left, we all
40:11 know this story for the open country to hunt game." You know, I saw you showed you videos earlier. Rebecca said to her
40:16 son, "Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, bring me some gain and prepare me some tasty food to eat so
40:23 I may give you my blessings in the presence of the Lord before I die." You know, all commentators have said, you
40:29 know what she does? Cantonese, you know, she twisted the story. She left out some parts. She added it. In
40:36 fact, she added the word the presence of Lord. Basically, she's trying to push the son to say, "Hey, hello, you don't
40:42 do this. You lose your inheritance. You know you better do or your father got a lot of shares you know blue chip shares
40:49 today he going to give the older brother now is the time after that get the son off
40:59 then she come in now my son listen carefully
41:09 by the wayh Jacob by this type isn't 18 years old. He's 40 plus if you know the thing.
41:16 Hello adult think for yourself. Well, you know what they call this? They
41:22 call this controlling parent. Is the controlling parent personal?
41:30 Now, here's another one. So, Jacob gets worried. She say, you know, no, I don't know what to do. You know, Jacob said to
41:36 Rebecca, my brother is a hairy man. He's very hairy. I have smooth skin. What if my father touches me? I appear to be
41:42 tricking him. Bring a curse on myself rather than blessing. Whoa. Mother says to him, "My son, let the curse fall on
41:49 me. Who you hero man? Just do what I say and go get them for me." John Kelvin in
41:54 his exist says is a misplaced sense of martyrdom. Something like that
42:03 is the martyr persona. Yes. And it goes back to the first
42:09 commandment because you are now taking God as an idol. You know,
42:14 there's one more person and it's the same person after that. Of
42:20 course, you know the story. Essa finds out Esau wants to kill this kill the brother. So now it's all been exposed.
42:26 So Rebecca must get Jacob out of the country. Ma, run far away to Uncle Laban
42:32 who's going to really teach him a lesson. How does she do it? Patrica society, you
42:38 cannot do it without getting permission from husband. Husband old man blur
42:45 doing her thing right. So she does one other thing. So a third personal comes up the victim. She tells the husband,
42:51 I'm disgusted leaving because of the Hitite woman. Now he throws it back. He uses the other son as father know uses
42:57 Esau. If Jacob takes a wife among the women on this land like your son Esau
43:03 who caused me so much grief, that's what she's saying.
43:15 They call this emotional blackmail. Now what I'm telling you, the Bible may
43:21 not tell you by psychology, but the Bible certainly narrates it for you. Do you know what they called you? They call
43:27 this actually in psychology Kman's drama triangle
43:32 because there three personas here or three ego states so to call it to use the technical term. Okay, there's a
43:39 persecutor who dominates. That's the controlling part of Rebecca. There's the
43:44 rescuer. Oh, don't worry. I will help you. I fall on me the curse. That's the
43:50 victim. I'm on the tulo. and they all the same person.
43:58 Uh recently we had this jihadist Jack after he decided he says I want to go
44:03 home. I miss my mommy. That's a child. So in all of us, let me just explain a
44:10 little bit. You need to understand we have a kid in us. Now have you had a case where you went to work and you
44:16 wanted other people to do things for you? That's the child in you. You know, you know, when you're very overdependent
44:22 on others, you you manipulate the situation so that other people will do it. I I had female staff who don't do
44:28 anything. pay.
44:33 But hello, you're not 10 years old. You're f I've seen 40 go.
44:39 Correct or not? That's the kid. That's one person now. So we have a very
44:45 dark generational mindset. That's what psychology telling you. First is the child mindset. The child has two parts.
44:51 He's the adapted child. He's a natural child. You want to learn more of this come for GMA. Okay. The next one is
44:57 this. Have you had this in office? You go to the board and you do this presentation or to before tan three. The
45:03 tans sit there. He plays in the headphone. You already play the headphone. You feel already shocked already. After your second third slide
45:09 which you have prepared and you got more slides than Peter, you know. And then halfway through it within the fifth
45:16 slide out of 150 slide he say ah yeah stupid presentation
45:21 and then you put your head down yeah I'm sorry that comes from this
45:29 it comes from this is the parent side
45:35 okay now there's another side okay there are lot of this for example you know some people who always trying to help
45:41 others they always they always very comfortable is again that parenting side. They always want to help other
45:47 people but you get them on equal grounds the other people they won't talk their whole life they always like to help
45:55 that's very dangerous because they are not manifesting themselves as adult so Dr. Eric Burn
46:02 says this that there are three generational mindsets we all have and I
46:07 like to encourage us to perhaps today do a little bit of this go back and think this through and come to GMA we will go
46:14 through a lot of this and see what scripture tells us of this let me give you example if you are always in this
46:20 kind of scenario you have the child in you the child in you is dominion
46:26 and I suggest this is biblical if you are always in this kind of state and I have a bit of this problem.
46:33 You learn this from your childhood. What happens when both are not okay? And
46:39 this is where the church comes in because when they're abusive marriages, things are you feel defeated all the
46:46 time. And I would tell you it is the church job to step in. That's why we do study a
46:54 bit of psychology because we are not equipped. God reveals himself in the scripture and he specifically reveals
46:60 himself in signs but scripture dominates. So how do we go through this if someone does this? I want to give you
47:06 what I think the Bible tells us. Number one, you tell them everyone under the cross is not okay. It doesn't matter
47:12 whether you're depressed or whether the rich man or whether you're Lazarus. That's what scripture is saying. Under
47:18 the cross we are all sinners. Because a person who like that they look
47:24 at you they feel very small. You feel very small and you need to tell them and they said those of you have got
47:30 your lives very together you should be like Jesus you need to spend time who people who are downtrodden and they must
47:37 see in you that they you see them as their equal below the cross because there's only one transaction we do it is
47:44 the transaction of grace and when we do that we are okay and you
47:49 tell the person you also can be okay because he came to set the captives free
47:55 and Jesus is the wonderful counselor. Amen. And once we do that, we then
48:00 develop a very healthy general mindset. One parental, you have to shepherd. All
48:07 of us have to shepherd because Christ was the shepherd. And you have to be an adult. That's the dominant mindset
48:13 because that's how disciplehip is done. And God tells us to come to him like a little child and to cling to him.
48:21 Let me just end with this and the last one because I know today is heavy and the last one is you connect to your
48:28 family to connect them to the gospel. You see in the end we must always
48:33 understand one thing and I'm very happy Sam brought up that example. The challenge to all of us is this because
48:40 the Shima commandment is about a commandment against idolatry. That means God is first. Everything else is
48:48 subservient to God is first. That's what the ten commandments. You shall have no other gods. Do you know what is the most
48:53 subter God you can have to replace God? Your family.
48:59 Do you honestly believe that you can say you love God more than your children and
49:04 your wife and your parents? I stand here as a speaker and I'll tell you I
49:10 struggle. So do not come and give me this BS that you can love God more. Because Sam was
49:16 very right. The story of Isaac is this. Why is it disciplehip? Because God
49:22 first. And if I cannot surrender my wife, my husband, my children, my
49:27 parents to God, we dishonor him. And God is a good God. The story of Isaac is
49:33 that you give it back to God. God gives back in return.
49:38 God is not a sadistic God. So let's break this down a little bit how it goes in real time. You see the text tells us
49:45 in the future when your son asks you what is the meaning of the stipulation decrees and laws the Lord has commanded
49:51 you and then the father or the mother replies how God saves them.
49:58 How many times have your children even ask you a deep question
50:08 and I sometimes spend time with young people. I'm not referring to anyone. You know what they tell me before I talk to
50:14 my dad. He's just going to taro me uh in love. I'm not referring anyone now
50:21 again. One one one young person told me, you know, he knew the Bible at the back
50:26 of his head, but he doubted it. I said, "How do you know the Bible so well?" Because my dad forced me to memorize the
50:33 Bible. And he said he tried to ask the dad about some questions going brush off.
50:40 Every week got family altar. Memorize memorize memorize. After what he told me, I just know how to go around my dad.
50:46 They call it the adapted child. That's why it says the heart is the first place. You got to get your family
50:53 members to open their hearts. You don't get them to open their hearts. You put any structure in there. They're
51:00 just going through the motions. So, how do we do this very quickly?
51:08 First, we don't do it by artificially trying to legally force people into all
51:15 this Christian stuff. You start by engaging in conversations. And what the
51:20 text is calling telling you is what they call a bouncing ball discussion. To get your children or your parents or your
51:28 spouse to go into a deep conversation, it has to be true and back. What we do
51:33 is that we don't know how to connect from simple conversations to deep conversations. So the conversation is, hey, how do you what do you have for
51:39 dinner today? Do you go and see uh uh Captain Marvel? Next question, son.
51:45 I discovered this in your computer. Sure. Won't talk to you because you just
51:51 move from shallow to deep. You did not transition. What the text is telling you is that you need to be able to have a
51:57 platform to bounce. They call this bouncing ball discussion. All right? And again in GMA, we'll go through this a
52:03 little bit. I'm going to show you a little bit how this is done. If I can get my slide going. You
52:10 cultivate a family culture inquiry. You be ready at all times to answer hard
52:15 questions from your children. You practice gratitude for salvation at home. And verse 10 tells us, remember,
52:22 don't be so arrogant. Your family blessings are not due to you, but from God. I give you an example. Last night
52:29 we were at dinner with my wife and my daughter and we walked by and we saw an
52:35 autistic guy selling paintings and in my mind I told myself here's an opportunity
52:41 to share my daughter a little thing about life. So we look at the painting
52:46 and the guy and the guy gave me this kind of shared and as I walk I just put my arm around my daughter and say you see this kid he's autistic
52:54 and then we start a small conversation on that. You see, it's about intentionality. You know, it's not about
52:59 every day. Hey, I'm going to give you the false spiritual roles, son. You know, your life is bad. You need to
53:06 repent of your sins. The kid will say, "Yeah, dad. Okay, what do you want me to do?" Because just you just learn to heal to skirt around you.
53:13 So again, we go back to the text. The text is when you sleep, when you walk, when you wake up, when you talk, okay,
53:20 this is the key thing every activity. So let me break it up to you. When you get up morning time, when you walk drive
53:27 time, when you sit meal time, sit at home, hang time, lie down, bake time.
53:32 Once you understand this kind of structure, you structure your words around it. So you make it so intentional
53:40 that every time you discuss with your children or your spouse or your parents, it comes out in little little bits
53:48 and then they realize why mom and dad do what they do. They begin to realize why
53:54 you as a husband do that, why you as a son you do that. It becomes intentional.
54:02 For more information, please come to GMA. I doing a lot of heart selling today. I'm going to end here today is
54:09 bit heavy but I just want to impress upon you this about families. Let me just end with this. When the shea was
54:15 given, there was a tent and the whole of Israel
54:20 gathered around it and God shown his light, his shakina glory and any family
54:25 who had problem looked at the light. They knew when to go and as the Israelites journeyed along in their
54:31 pilgrimage of life, God went before them in a cloud, a pillar of cloud and a
54:36 night and a fire. So whenever they struggled with their children with the family, they looked at that pillar of
54:42 fire, they look at the cloud and they say, "I turn to Yahweh." So let me just end with this with ABC.
54:50 Everyone here should be able to turn to the church because we are that
54:56 representation. As all of us go on this journey in this exodus in our faith, all
55:02 of you who struggle, you should be able to turn to the church and the church will then connect you to Christ and
55:09 together as a spiritual family. We will solve, not solve, but walk together with
55:16 all our issues. Let us pray. Lord, this morning we come before you. It's a heavy
55:22 topic, but we just ask that you soften our hearts, oh Lord, and we ask for in particularly for all
55:29 those who are struggling in their families, perhaps in marriages, perhaps with parenting, perhaps with
55:37 fathers and mothers, and this morning particularly raise up those who just struggle with homes are not happy. As we
55:45 continue now to sing and give you our praise, we ask you will heal them as we
55:51 sing. And here the Lord is saying to all of you, you have a job to do as a
55:56 spiritual family. And what is that? The Lord is saying you are to sing to one another.
56:02 You are to sing to one another so that those in our midst who have family problems, by your singing, they will
56:09 turn to Christ. This is how we as a church raise the steeple.
56:16 So let us just have a moment of silence as we prepare our hearts and as the music comes up. Can I invite you to
56:22 stand for this very sacred moment? And as we sing, I want you to think of those
56:27 in our midst who suffer. And I want you to sing to God and to sing to each
