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00:00 1 Corinthians chapter 7 32-38.
00:07 I give you a moment to pull out your Bible apps and pull out your Bible
00:19 here. Then what holy scripture says, I want you to be free from anxieties.
00:24 The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious
00:30 about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And
00:35 the unmarried or biso woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married
00:42 woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any
00:49 restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone thinks
00:56 he is not behaving properly towards his betrol, if his par it is no sin. But
01:03 whoever is firmly established in his heart being no being under no necessity by having his desire under control and
01:10 has determined uh this in his heart to keep her uh as his betro, he will do
01:16 well. So then he who marries his betro does well and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. This is
01:23 the word of the Lord.
01:31 Hi, it gives me um great pleasure to um introduce uh today's speaker uh Reverend Gona to everybody. Um Reverend Guna is a
01:38 uh a married man. He's been uh married for 32 32 years to his wife uh uh
01:44 Christina. They have two children. Uh one of them is in Singapore and the other one is in New York. Uh he's the
01:50 senior pastor of Agape Agapi Baptist Church in Singapore. He's been a senior pastor there for about 26 years. Um I I
01:57 got to know him through my training. Uh I recently some of you may know I was in training in uh Singapore and Hong Kong
02:03 with a city to city uh which is a church planting movement that stems out of New York uh uh which was started by Timothy
02:09 Keller. Uh Reverend Guna is the Southeast Asian director for uh city-to-city uh ministries. So um from
02:18 all the churches we visited uh um we had the training held in Agape Baptist
02:23 Church as well and from all the churches I visited and we visited about nine or 10 over 18 days uh um I found his
02:31 message to be the best and um therefore I invited him to come and speak here. Uh so um um yes we would like to welcome
02:38 him and uh let me just uh welcome him again and this is Reverend Guna. Thank you.
02:47 Well, praise the Lord. It's good to be here. I enjoyed the first service and I'm sure that uh the second service will
02:53 be uh will be a blessing as well. Um I'm entitling today's message uh
03:00 marriage is not the ultimate bliss and uh it's negative title but uh it will be
03:07 a positive message and it will speak to everyone. Uh if you are not married here today, this message is especially for
03:14 you. Uh actually I I when I worked on this on this text, I was looking at it
03:19 for uh single people more than I did look at married people. But I think it's
03:25 going to work both ways for both the single people as well as the married people. So um so everyone is going to be
03:33 benefiting from it today. You see the one area that that uh that provides us
03:39 with the most joy in life and at the same time that provides the most pain in
03:46 life is in the area of relationships. Uh that's where we hurt most. That's
03:55 where we draw the most uh joy. And it
04:00 doesn't matter whether you are a single person or you are a married person. uh relationship is the one that brings us
04:07 either the most joy or the most pain and usually uh married people tend to
04:14 want to blame their marriage for their problems. You know we always hear this like you know if I wasn't married to
04:21 this person my life would have been better you know if not for my marriage you know this will go well and uh kind
04:28 of thing but the point is this people that um yeah uh this fell is not working
04:35 is it because oh okay let me see okay he'll work this time around yeah he's not working oh yeah he works right all
04:43 right the point is this that there are no married people issues there only people issues that get worse in
04:50 marriage. All right? It's like marriage doesn't really create problems. It just
04:56 reveals them. That means the problems already there before you were married. It's like you know if you have um if you
05:04 have if you're walking and you find that you know or you're climbing stairs and you find that your knee is giving problem the problem is not with the
05:11 walking. Okay? The problem is with the knee. So don't blame it on the walking and said
05:17 if I don't walk so much then I would not have this problem. The problem is that you have a knee problem and and and you
05:24 shouldn't therefore you know uh blame it on the on the walking. And so
05:31 uh what we're going to do this morning is that we're going to start uh before we go to our text is in in in 1
05:36 Corinthians 7. But before we go to 1 Corinthians 7 I'd like us to look at Ephesians chapter 5. And that's the
05:43 passage that is always quoted uh at weddings. You know, it's a beautiful it's a beautiful text on on on marriage.
05:51 So in Paul says in Ephesians 5:31 and 32, therefore a man shall leave his
05:57 father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is always there at every wedding.
06:03 You know, you kind of like somebody will mention this. It will be in the bulletin. We all have seen this. But
06:09 then Paul goes on to say the mystery is profound and I am saying that it which
06:15 means the marriage it refers to Christ and the church. So
06:23 what Paul explains here is that marriage was given to us as a sign to something
06:29 else. Marriage is not an end in itself that God created it to point to a higher
06:36 reality. And what is that higher reality? And
06:42 Paul is kind of clear about it. He says that it is to Christ and the church. The
06:48 higher rel reality is Christ and his church. So CS Levis picks it up from
06:54 there and he says it this way. He says the sun has millions of rays.
07:01 Marriage is only one of them and the ray should never in our hearts replace the
07:08 thing that it points us to. Marriage points to something.
07:15 It is not an end in itself. So what I'm going to do is given that as a backdrop,
07:20 I'm going to take 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and I'm going to give you like about
07:26 seven key thoughts on marriage and singleness. All right? And the first one is this. Marriage is not ultimate. It is
07:34 a sign and shadow of a higher reality. When you look at this this way, people
07:40 all our ideas and ideas about marriage become very superficial and shallow in the light of what the Bible has to say
07:48 about marriage. Now, we all tend to think that marriage is the ultimate bliss or at least that it's supposed to
07:55 be the ultimate thing. But when Paul talks about marriage, he says that
07:60 marriage points to Christ and marriage points to your eternal
08:06 family which is the church. Now this may appear strange you know to
08:11 some of us say if you if you're not familiar with the teachings of scripture you'll find this strange but according
08:17 to the Bible relationship to Christ are more permanent and more precious than
08:24 relationship in earthly families. You know, we I I know that, you know, like we we think that a lot of people think
08:31 this way that what is most important, what is most precious are relationships
08:37 on this earth. That is most important. But scripture tells us otherwise. In fact, I can point
08:44 you to some scriptures that tells you that what's more important is not your
08:49 relationships here on earth, but the relationships that you're going to have in heaven. So for example
08:57 in Matthew 22:30 it says in the resurrection which means that in the in in in the age that is to come Jesus said
09:04 that neither would marry or will be given in marriage by Allah angels in heaven which means to say that in heaven
09:11 there will be no marriages. What it in another way of looking at it
09:16 in in heaven I will no longer be married to my wife. which means to say that it
09:21 doesn't mean that now that I'm married to her this thing get actually you know moved on once we die we continue our
09:27 marriage relationship in heaven it doesn't happen that way now I'm not sure what's going what it's going to be like
09:34 I mean I'm hoping that you know I will go to heaven before my wife I want to beat her to it you know cuz it will be
09:39 better for me I think if I go first than her we talked about this a lot so and
09:45 let's say that I okay I go first and then my wife comes later then one day I see her walking walking down the streets
09:51 of gold and I see her there. I say, "Hey, this one used to be my wife on earth." All right. And then I say, "Hi,
09:58 you know, hey, remember me? Used to be your husband on earth." What do I do
10:04 with her? Do I give her a wink? Do I give her a hug? Do I say, "Hey, come
10:10 now. My mansion is just next door. Let's live together." What what do we do?
10:16 For what the scripture says is that that earthly relationship that we had on earth dissolves at the point of death.
10:24 That the moment you know we get to heaven, it will be a totally new relationship.
10:30 You know, and now what kind of relationship would that be? I do not know. But what I know that it will be a better relationship. Why better? Because
10:36 it will be faultless. It will be flawless. She will be without blemish
10:41 and I will be without blemish and we will be in a state of perfection. If that is the case then we will be closer
10:47 than ever but we will not be husband and wife. That's the heavenly relationship.
10:54 And then so the point is this people the point is that marriage is not eternal or
11:01 ultimate. It's only meant for this earth and it points to a higher reality.
11:08 There's another script set of scriptures Matthew 12 verse 48 and 49.
11:14 It says that and when his mother this is Jesus all right when Jesus is preaching in the synagogue like I'm preaching here
11:20 and then it says that his mother earthly relationship and brothers asked to see
11:26 him know it's like and Jesus says something it sounds very rude can you
11:33 imagine you are in church suddenly your mother and your brothers come outside and say can I see you know my son can I
11:40 see my brother and then you turn around you tell them this he says, "Who is my
11:45 mother and who are my brothers?" It sounds a little bit rude. Then stretching out his hand towards his
11:51 disciples. His disciples are those people, you know, who's going to have an eternal relationship with him. He says,
11:57 "Here are my mother and here are my brothers." And John Piper picking up on this verse says this in one of his
12:04 books, he says that Jesus is turning everything around. Yes, he loved his mother and brothers, but those are only
12:12 temporary relationships. His focus was on those whom he called out for himself.
12:18 He was calling out a whole new family where single people in Christ and people not really in families are full-fledged
12:25 family members on a par with all others bearing fruit for God and becoming
12:31 mothers and fathers of an eternal kind. You see there are there is an eternal
12:36 family in Christ that will remain but all our earthly families will someday
12:42 end with this earth. And this is what the Bible says. There's another one another
12:49 scripture to support this. In Luke 11 27 there was a woman in the crowd when
12:54 Jesus was teaching who called out and screamed because this was the thinking of the day. She said, "Blessed is the
13:01 womb that bore you and the breast at which you were nursed." A woman cried out to Jesus. And what was Jesus's
13:08 response to that? He turned and said, "Blessed rather are those who hear the
13:13 word of God and keep it." He's saying, you know, it's like um uh
13:20 uh what the the woman was thinking like like the culture of the day, like nothing is more precious, nothing is like more important than family
13:27 relationships. And Jesus points to something even better than earthly family relationships. He says those who
13:34 hear the word and act on it they and and who are safe that that those eternal
13:40 family that's more precious and that's more important. Here's another one. Luke Mark chapter 10 and verse 19 and 30. And
13:47 Jesus said, "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left wife or a house or brother or sister or mother or father
13:54 or children or land for the sake of the gospel who will not receive a hundfold
13:59 now in this time and houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands with persecution and in the age to
14:05 come eternal life." He's saying that if you were to reorder your world, whether
14:11 you are a single or a married person and you don't put earthly relationships above eternal relationships, you will be
14:18 blessed. Listen, you will be blessed both here on earth in your earthly relationships and you will be blessed in
14:24 eternal relationships. And John Piper says it this way. He says marriage is therefore temporary
14:32 and it will finally give way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along which is it Christ and the
14:38 church and the way a picture is no longer needed when you see face to face.
14:43 You see people marriage only gives you a sign. It gives you a foretaste of the future kingdom of God that is to come.
14:51 You know in saying this I do not want to uh uh dismiss the importance of the
14:56 sign. It is not it is it is one of the very best of God's gifts to us. It's an
15:02 indispensable part of of the created order earthly relationship. But listen here people and this is the point I
15:09 wanted to get to this far. The point is this life goes wrong when you make the symbol
15:15 ultimate. This is this is where we all go wrong.
15:20 You know when we don't see marriage from an eternal perspective, you will think
15:26 that all you got is that relationship
15:31 and and and and if you strongly feel that your happiness, your selfworth is totally
15:38 dependent on being loved romantically. If you believe that marriage and a good
15:44 romance is one indispensable key to be happy and that you cannot live without
15:50 it, that you got to have it to be happy, then if you get into a relationship or
15:58 if you're already in a relationship, you're going to mess it up.
16:04 You're going to mess it up and you're going to get into a lot of hurt and pain because you are putting expectations
16:10 that is not meant to be placed upon another person. You are idolizing the
16:15 person. The relationship has become an idolatry in your life. You are expecting
16:22 from that person only what God can give to you and it all goes wrong. Therefore,
16:28 people, it's a myth. There's a myth in our culture that says my happiness is
16:33 tied to romantic feelings. If I have feel romantically towards
16:38 someone, I will be so happy. So I did feel romantically for for this
16:44 person after we got married. I have lost that sense of romance and I'm disappointed.
16:51 I'm looking for that romantic feeling. You have exalted the relationship beyond
16:58 what it's meant to be. People, the most widely worshiped false god in our culture today is that we think romantic
17:06 love completes us. There's a heart touching scene in the
17:12 movie Jerry Maguire was a very famous movie. It's Oscar winning movie. I don't know whether you remember that Tom Cruz
17:19 was acting in that movie. He was such a good-looking man, right? So he looks at
17:24 Renie Zulka at one point in a movie and then he says, "You complete me."
17:32 And if you were sitting in a movie theater in the dark watching that and hearing those words, you know, a lot of
17:40 people in there would have gone, "Amen." It's like it so resonates.
17:48 I mean it's so if you have been shaped by the culture if you have been shaped by Hollywood it kind of resonates it
17:56 kind of feels that's correct you know I need someone to complete me
18:04 you know I will be incomplete until or unless you love me
18:12 so you know we sit in the car and turn on the radio and suddenly you know we
18:17 hear Selen in Dion singing I'm everything I am because you love me
18:24 and again our heart you know erupts with hallelujah that's what it is that's our culture
18:32 people you know it's like you you you hear it in the songs you see it in the movies
18:39 but you talk to these Hollywood people like Magdalan for example once in an interview said this he said you know um
18:47 uh Most Hollywood people are relationship junkies.
18:52 It's a that's an interesting way to describe a relationship. It's like you know a relationship junkie like you know
18:59 you you you get a high off a relationship like a way you do drugs
19:05 like you got to go from one to the next. People listen most psychologist say that an infatuation takes at most 18 months
19:14 to wear off. just 18 months. So you know and then you need you need a new heat.
19:20 You need you you you need a new high you know. So if you are in a relationship with someone don't get married so
19:27 quickly. Wait for 18 months and see whether the feelings are still there.
19:33 And if it is still there maybe you should consider. If not it's over. Move on and
19:40 just move on. You know, it's like drugs. You know, you you you you you weren't created to be
19:47 completed by the love of another person. You and I are created to be completed by the love of Jesus. And that is what Paul
19:55 is pointing to in our in our text here. People, lonely, insecure, unhappy single
20:01 people will become lonely, insecure, unhappy married people.
20:08 The drug of a new relationship fixes only for a short time but when it wears off it will leave you it will leave you
20:14 craving for more. So people know that the problems like loneliness and insecurity and unhappiness are not cured
20:21 by another human being. You can you know the cure comes from
20:27 your relationship with Jesus Christ is the love of Jesus that cures you not the
20:33 love of another person. And so Gary Thomas in his book sacred um
20:40 uh sacred uh uh search says this. He says marriage doesn't solve emptiness.
20:47 It exposes it. See if someone can't live without you, he or she will never be
20:54 able to live with you either. That sounds a bit mindboggling. No, but that
21:00 is that is true. So if you read the book in his counsel you know you want to ask a question. So what what he says is
21:08 this. He says marry someone who doesn't depend on you to make him or her happy.
21:15 Look for someone who doesn't need to you know where you are not the source of the happiness. You know why? Because you we
21:23 designed to meet the deep soul needs of another human being. You cannot
21:29 I mean you cannot put that kind of an expectation on a human being. Only God
21:35 can make you wholly happy. Only God can fulfill your life. And if you take that
21:41 which God only can do for you and put it into another person, you will crush that
21:46 person with your expectation. Only Jesus can do that.
21:53 And when you are looking for a marriage partner, therefore, you know, if you're really looking for a marriage partner, wear a t-shirt that says cannot satisfy
22:01 the needs of your soul. You still want me? And people, let me
22:06 close this point with with with this. According to Paul and according to Jesus,
22:12 in these verses that we just saw, you are not a failure if you do not produce biological children. Now, if you are a
22:19 couple, you've been married for several years and you're praying to God and you're saying, "God, give me a child and
22:24 God has not yet given you a child." You are not a spiritual failure just because
22:29 you do not have biological children. But you are a failure. So when what what
22:36 is when do you become a failure? You are a failure if you do not produce spiritual children. Because it's all
22:42 about eternity, people. A life that does not make disciples, that's a fail.
22:48 That puts us all whether you are married or whether you're single on the same level. God does not see you as a first
22:55 class Christian just because you can produce a lot of children, biological children. And God doesn't look at
23:02 another person who does not have children and say, "hm, this one not populating the earth, not so great." He
23:09 doesn't do that. You see, when you enter eternity,
23:16 what will matter is no longer your earthly relationships. What's going to matter is spiritual
23:22 relationships. And that is the reason why if you are a parent today, your
23:28 primary responsibility is to disciple your children to Christ so that your
23:33 natural family becomes your eternal family.
23:39 Because what's going to be important is that you populate heaven. We all end up
23:44 there eventually if we in Christ. Therefore, your kids as parents, our
23:50 kids becomes our first our first mission field. And that brings me to the second
23:56 point. Singleness therefore is not inferior to marriage.
24:01 1 Corinthians 7:7 says this regarding marriage.
24:07 I wish that all were as myself am because Paul was single.
24:12 Uh he he's saying I wish everyone was single. Thank God for the word but there
24:19 because he said but each one has his own gift from God and one of one kind and
24:24 one of another. This is this is Christianity's
24:30 lead theologian talking. This is Paul together with
24:35 Christianity's founder Jesus. Both of them were single people. Their entire lives they were single. And therefore if
24:42 you and I look down on single people, we are looking down on Jesus and Paul.
24:47 Single people always get a raw deal in church. You know it's hard to be a single person
24:53 in church. No one is saying amen to that, but that's that's true. You know, married
24:58 people are always trying to fix them up. Always trying to, you know, like they're looking at them as though that is
25:04 something wrong with them. How come you're so long still single? You know,
25:10 it's either that, you know, it's like it's like, you know, so so single people got a lot of pressure in church, Chinese
25:16 New Year, you know, it's like, huh, so already still want to collect still have to give to you next year. no more you
25:23 very you know this kind of talk is it it happens all the time and I heard the
25:28 story of this guy who said that you know he got so sick of the little old ladies in his church you know who would always
25:33 come up to him at the end of every wedding you know when they he attends a wedding and he attend the wedding and say pat him on the back and say uh Bruce
25:41 don't worry don't worry you'll be next you'll be next you know so he said that
25:46 he he didn't know what to do with them he wanted to shut their mouth he wanted them to stop saying he'll be next he'll be next such a treasure that one day he
25:54 was attending one of their funerals and then he looked at the other old lady and say auntie don't worry don't worry
26:01 you'll be next
26:07 you know sometimes in the church we talk as if marriage was so much more superior uh you know than than than then than
26:13 then than then than then than then than then than then than then than then than then then then you you are single like if you're single there's something wrong with you you're either uncommitted or
26:19 you don't want to commit your uh to another or you unwanted, you know, or something else is wrong with you, you
26:26 know, and that's not true people because some of the most messed up people, some
26:33 of the most immature people are actually married people.
26:39 Tim Keller in his book uh the meaning of marriage a great book and he has one full chapter on singlehood
26:46 and in that chapter he he he talks about some of the super ridiculous things that
26:51 married people say to single people things like this he say that you know uh as soon as you are satisfied with God
26:59 alone he will bring you somebody special into your life. Now when are we going to be
27:07 satisfied with God alone? I mean it's like it's a journey for all
27:13 of us. Which married person can attest to the fact that I found my spouse when
27:20 I was satisfied with God alone? It doesn't happen that way. And then
27:26 another thing he says is that you know people say the reason you are single is because you're too picky.
27:32 It's like God is saying that you see I bring this person take you so don't want
27:37 bring another person you don't want so picky you will never find one it's like
27:43 it's almost like you know it's like it punishes the the single person like I
27:49 can't even think through this make a choice I mean or another one is this before you can marry someone wonderful
27:56 you have to become someone wonderful wow that kind of thing is like when am I
28:02 going to ever become someone wonderful? You mean to say that before you married you became the most wonderful person on
28:08 earth and then you found someone wonderful? It doesn't happen that way. So t so Tim Keller puts it and he says
28:14 it this way. He says under all these statements is the premise that a single
28:20 life is a secondass life and a state of deprivation for people not yet fully
28:25 formed for marriage. And that's not true because marriage is
28:30 not the ultimate. Look at how Paul says it. He says this, the the appointed time has grown very
28:37 short. From now on, this is 1 Corinthians 7:29. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had
28:43 none. Now, did you look at this verse? I mean, it's like some guys look at it and say, "Wow, I never saw this in the Bible
28:49 before." I mean, the Bible really says that I'm supposed to live as though I didn't have
28:55 a wife. I'm going to make this my memory verse for the year.
29:00 You know, it's like what? You know, this is what happens people when you just
29:05 preferably select scripture out of its context and try to make it a point. You
29:11 know, you never interpret scripture out of its context because the context of this is very important. And the context
29:17 of this is shown to us in the next verse which is 1 Corinthians 7:13. For the present form of this world is passing
29:24 away. That's the reason why he said that you ought to live as though you know you don't have a wife. What he means that
29:30 the world is passing away and along with it marriage will pass away. Biological families will pass away. So what he's
29:36 saying that if you are married you know if you're a married person you should be reflecting on the fact that your
29:41 marriage is not permanent. It's not the ultimate. If you're a single person you should reflect on the fact that your
29:47 situation is not permanent either. Both situations are light and momentary and
29:52 soon they will give way to what is permanent and ultimate which is Christ and the church which leads us to the
29:59 third point which is both marriage and singleness
30:04 are temporary gifts and God uses the fulfillment
30:10 of of both for his purposes. You know
30:16 that's where where we get that is in this verse the next verse which is 1 Corinthians 7:7 but each has his own
30:21 gift from God. One of one of one kind and one of another. Now what Paul is
30:28 saying here is simply the fact that both marriage and singleness in this verse
30:34 are gifts. And he uses when he uses the word gives the gift the Greek word for
30:39 it is charisma. I think many of us are familiar with the word charisma which actually literally means spiritual
30:44 empowerment which means to say that God gives you an empowerment.
30:52 If you're a single person, God empowers you to be a single person. He gives you the grace to be a single person. If you
30:58 are a married person, God empowers you to be a married person. And it could be for a season.
31:05 It might it is it's temporary. It could be a special time of empowerment. So if that is true people then you may not
31:13 have seen this way. The Bible says singleness is a gift.
31:18 You will be empowered as a single person. Maybe for a season God will keep you single. Maybe he wants you to
31:26 complete your education. Maybe you're in your late 20s but you're working on you
31:31 know your PhD. You're working on something you know and God you know and it's better for you to be a single
31:37 person at that time. is a season in your life and God allows you to be single. He
31:43 gives you the empowerment. Maybe there are some character issues he wants to work on you. Some things he can only
31:48 teach you as a single person that you will never learn as a married person. He empowers you to be a single person.
31:55 Maybe he wants to, you know, use you to demonstrate to your friends that happiness and commitment is not found in
32:01 romance, but it's found in God. That you could be a testimony to them as someone single. And he gives you a gift for
32:08 singlehood. But at the same time, marriage is also a gift from God. And marriage is a gift
32:15 that teaches you about the love of God. Because that is not there. There's nothing on earth people that actually
32:22 helps us understand the love of God and to apply it in practical ways like in
32:28 marriage. Because if there's one person who will affect you the most in life, it is your spouse.
32:35 You know it is if in that someone else can come into your life and tell you something and it matters not but if your
32:42 spouse tells you the same thing suddenly you are troubled.
32:47 You just look at your your wife and you tell her today you look a bit fat that's it.
32:53 Anyone else can tell her that she looks a little bit fat and she couldn't be as bothered. I mean she will be bothered.
33:00 uh but you especially tell her that it disturbs her, you know, and uh and and
33:05 and it's like that that that's the marriage relationship. A marriage relationship is where you apply the
33:11 gospel and you understand the love of God. And besides, marriage is a gift because people, it is the only arena
33:18 where a man and a woman can enjoy sex without sex destroying them.
33:25 You know, you take sex out of the context of marriage and you try to enjoy sex outside of marriage, it will always
33:31 destroy you. It will always lead you to the wrong end. It will always bring more pain and
33:38 mess and trouble and consequences. But the same sex you enjoy in the context of
33:44 marriage, it will bless you, it will build you, it will prosper you. It's
33:50 amazing. And so in 1 Corinthians 7:3, Paul says this, "Because of the temptation to
33:58 sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own
34:03 husband." So both singleness and marriage are gifts from God. Now moving on,
34:09 if you're asking the question, should I get married? Ask firstly, do I have the
34:15 gift? So how do you know if you get have a gift? So Paul says it this way in 1
34:22 Corinthians 7:9. For it is better to marry than to be affl.
34:30 In other words, if we afflume with passion, what does it mean? Simply like that. If you're a guy and you see a girl
34:38 and you think, "Wow, she's hot."
34:43 Then you have the potential to be a flame with passion. It's better for you to get married.
34:50 If you're a girl, your outlook will be quite different from a guy, you know,
34:55 you probably, you know, for for example, it's like if you like this guy, you haven't actually told him, you know,
35:01 that you like him. You he has he doesn't know yet that you like him. No indication, no hints yet, but you're
35:07 watching and observing him. And then you suddenly discover your best friend goes up to him and you know they become
35:13 friends and you notice that the two of them are getting closer and closer and closer and in your heart now you are
35:20 thinking I want her burned. You are burning with passion.
35:28 All right. So if so if if that's you so ask if if God has
35:33 given you know that kind if God is not given if if if ask God for if that is
35:39 what who you are ask God for the gift of a spouse and that's okay and ask all the
35:44 little old ladies in your church to pray you know for you instead of no need to talk so much auntie pray pray yeah kind
35:51 of thing okay so Paul says that he says that the gift of singleness he describes himself and he says that you know God
35:57 has given him the gift of singleness This is the way he describes himself. 1 Corinthians 7:37, "But whoever is firmly
36:03 established in his heart, being under no necessity, but having his desire under control, he will do well, firmly
36:09 established, under no necessity, having his desire under control. Is that you?"
36:15 If that is you, then probably God has given you the gift of singleness at least, you know, for the time being. And
36:21 you should take advantage of that, you know, and and if you're not like that, ask God for a spouse. pray like crazy.
36:28 Cry out to God, it's okay, you know, to tell God, God, give me a spouse and so
36:33 that I don't fall into sin and destroy your plans for my life. Number five, if you're asking the
36:40 question of if you're asking, should I get married? Firstly, you ask the question by answering, do I um uh do I
36:47 have the gifts? Secondly, is this the time? You know, if you're dating someone right
36:52 now, you got to also pray, God, is this the time? Is it the right time? Because Paul says it this way in the context of
36:57 his culture and what was going on at his time historically. He says in 1 Corinthians 7:26, I think that in the
37:03 view of the present distress, it is good for a person to remain as he is. The context of this is Paul is writing Oops.
37:10 Paul is writing for a moment. Excuse me. Yep. I kind of dropped this because in
37:15 my pulpit there is a little ledge here and I could put it down and then it doesn't fall, but I'm in a different
37:22 church. I'm sorry. Yeah. And he says in the context is that Paul is writing uh
37:28 this in an era of history where persecution against Christians is reaching a fever pitch and and and
37:36 Christian families are being torn apart and and sold into slavery and butchered in the arenas and it is difficult enough
37:43 already for a single p person to go through this kind of persecution. What if you are married? I mean your your
37:49 problems are just going to double. The trouble is going to double. So Paul, you
37:54 know, his conclusion to people is that during this period of time, if you are not married, it is better than if you
38:01 are married. So if you can remain single, that's what he's saying here in this verse to the people. He's talking
38:07 to them about the issue of timing. But the way it applies to us is this
38:13 that we got to ask ourselves these questions. And of course, we are not in his situation uh where there's such a
38:19 persecution where it's better to remain single rather than to be married. But then again, we got to ask those
38:24 questions like, are we financially okay to be married? Can we be financially independent? I mean, are we rooted to uh
38:31 sufficiently in scripture? Are we looking to each other for happiness? That is a very dangerous thing.
38:38 Or or do we know how to look to Jesus Christ for our for our fulfillment and for our happiness? Are we too sensitive
38:45 about everything in our relationship? Do we fight and quarrel all the time because of this because of the
38:51 superficial sensitivities to the point that it distract us from God and from
38:57 other people? These are the questions to ask. Can we handle troubles? Can we handle crisis together? Do we have the
39:04 same mission in life? Do we have the same uh uh core values?
39:10 And if you're dating someone, you know that our culture tells us this. You see, because we are so bought in into the
39:16 into into the into into our culture that we have moved so far away from what the
39:21 scripture calls us to do. Like for example, when it comes to dating, the c our culture tells us it's okay to date
39:29 with no intention of marriage. Try first and see how if it works out. I mean, you
39:36 know, you date someone say I'm just dating. I'm just dating only. I'm not this is not marriage,
39:41 you know. This is not commitment people. Let me tell you this. Dating is a road
39:48 that should lead to marriage. So if you're not ready for that destination, stay off the road.
39:56 Because let me tell you people, you don't lead the other person on when you are not serious about the relationship.
40:03 It is going to lead the both of you into so much hurt and so much pain. You know,
40:08 it is going to delay what God has for you. There's going to be mess that you're going to clean up, consequences
40:15 that you have sewn that you will have to reap into the future. I mean, if you're not serious about marrying this person,
40:23 don't date the person. And bringing us to the next point, which
40:29 is point number six, reject the perfect person myth.
40:35 The thinking that we have today is that you know I need to find the perfect person then I will have the perfect
40:41 marriage. You know we uh you know where did we get that from? Where did we get that from? That we must always be
40:47 looking for the perfect person. We got it from the movies. You do not know how much Hollywood has
40:53 served as a pullpit to our lives. We get it from the movies. I mean you watch I don't know you watch all those
41:00 romantic movies. I know some of you are just crazy. you watch Korean cereals, you know, and you watch all kinds of
41:07 things. I mean, you, you know, this they have got an underlying plot and it always has to do with two people, you
41:13 know, they come together, you know, it's like somehow destiny brought them together that they were so meant for
41:20 each other. They finally found one another and they were a flame with
41:26 passion for each other. Oh my goodness, the chemistry, the sparks,
41:31 and all of that was so great. And before long, they got into bed with each other. And after that, the story kinds of fades
41:38 away. And then if you have a sequel, it's so boring. Nobody goes to watch the
41:44 movie anymore. You know, because the message in all of these movies and cals is very, very
41:51 clear. Everything begins and ends with romance.
41:57 Romance is everything. Where there is no romance, there is no
42:02 meaning. Where there is no spark, no feeling. It is nothing. As a result of
42:09 that covenanted, committed marriage is boring.
42:15 It never shows up in those cals or in those movies. And people don't believe
42:21 that because there's no such thing as a perfect person.
42:27 There's no such thing. You will never find the perfect person on the face of this earth.
42:32 Some some of you may be dating someone and then you go to tell your friend are you he's so cute.
42:40 I never met a a boy like him, a guy like him. He is just just so perfect.
42:49 It's like really he's so perfect. I tell you how you can tell whether a person is
42:54 perfect. There's one clear test of how you can tell whether this person is
42:59 perfect. If you if you want to know whether someone is perfect, ask for his palm.
43:07 Ask to see his palm. Look at the palm and see whether the palm is nail scarred.
43:16 There is only one pair of palms that is nail scarred people and that came from
43:22 the perfect man and his name is Jesus.
43:28 There is no other who is perfect and Jesus Christ was so perfect he came down
43:34 to this earth and he died for you so that the death that you deserve you escape because of his death. He pursues
43:41 you all of his life. And he loves you with the last drop of his blood.
43:47 And he will never deny you. He will never forsake you. He will never leave
43:52 you. He will be there for you until the day of your grave grave. And then he
43:58 will receive you into glory. That's the true lover of your soul.
44:04 And you dare to exchange him for another man. I mean, I'm I'm not saying that you shouldn't get married. Therefore, please
44:10 remain single and love Jesus all over your life. That's not what I meant. But what I'm trying to tell you is that you
44:17 do not replace that kind of a love for an imperfect human love because it will never satisfy you. They are no perfect
44:26 persons. That is because they are no perfect person. That's why Jesus has to die for them. There's something wrong
44:34 with the person that you fall in love with. That is why Jesus has to die and his blood has to fix them up. So
44:41 marriage is about two forgiven sinners doing life together. As a result of
44:46 that, there's going to be pain. There's going to be hurt. There's going to be disappointment. There's going to be all kinds of problems because marriage is
44:52 never meant to be perfect. It is just two redeemed, forgiven people trying to
44:58 do life together and rediscovering again and again the grace of God in their
45:03 lives. That's what it's all about. Tim Keller in his book,
45:10 The Meaning of Marriage, at the very beginnings of the book, he makes a statement that is a little bit astounding. He say, "You always marry
45:16 the wrong person." Those of us like people like me who has been married 32 years, I read that when
45:22 I've read that for the first time. I say, "Huh, now only you doubt me."
45:27 You know, it's like I mean, but you know what he meant? This is what he means. He said, "You always marry the wrong
45:34 person." And it is true. Because if I look back at my my marriage to my wife,
45:40 when I s stood at the altar and married her 32 years ago, from then until now,
45:47 she and I have become two to totally different people. First of all, physically, we are no longer who we used
45:52 to be. when she married me. You know, when my children look at our wedding pictures,
45:59 they look at their mother and say, "How on earth could you marry this man? He was so ugly,
46:06 you know. I mean, I was well, in their estimate, I was ugly. I thought I was good-looking, but they said I was ugly,
46:12 but never mind, you know." But it was like, but it is true because you change over the years, right? Some of us, you
46:18 know, we were so slim and nice and then 30 years later, it's like, "Huh?" You know what happened to all that good
46:25 macho look? It's gone. So you people change. I mean over the last 30 years I
46:30 mean I have changed emotionally. I've changed intellectually. I've changed spiritually. I mean I have changed. I if
46:38 I had remained the same person I would be it it wouldn't be. And therefore you
46:44 it's true. You therefore you think at the altar you think you married the right person. But you got to remember 10
46:50 years, 15 years, 20 years time, this is going to become a very different person. In that sense, you always marry the
46:57 wrong person because people will always change
47:03 and you will begin to change as well. So it's wrong to believe that happiness in marriage depends on finding the perfect
47:10 person. You never find the perfect person. As a result of that people, it
47:15 is not compatibility that makes up for a happy marriage. It is grace. It is God's
47:21 grace that makes for a happy marriage. It's the ability to learn to forgive one another.
47:28 It's the ability to accept one another despite our faults and our weaknesses.
47:35 It's the ability to give grace to one another for the grace that we have received from what Jesus has done for us
47:40 on the cross. So people let me just just uh bring us
47:45 back to where we started. Marriage is light and momentary
47:50 and Christ and the church are eternal realities. And we got to get this. Marriage is not the ultimate. It is just
47:58 a symbol to something that is truly ultimate and that is eternity. And if
48:03 you take the symbol and turn it into the ultimate in your relationship, you are idolizing your marriage. And as a result
48:11 of that you will suffer and everything else is built on this principle. Now as I close let me speak
48:17 to three groups of people. Number one single people. If you are
48:22 single here today let me tell you there is nothing wrong with you. Absolutely
48:28 nothing wrong with you. It's nothing wrong being single. God has not removed
48:33 his favor from you just because you're a single person. You are not under judgment for being a single person,
48:40 but instead God empowers you to be single. And if it is your desire to get
48:46 married, that desire is not wrong or sinful either. And you ought to trust
48:51 that God will bring the right person into your life.
48:56 For married people, here's my word. Marriage is not everything,
49:02 but eternity is. And marriage is a preparation for etern
49:07 eternity. It is in a marriage that you learn the love of God which you bring with you
49:14 into eternity. It is in marriage that God conforms you to his image which you
49:20 bring with you into eternity. Marriage is about learning forgiveness.
49:25 Marriage is about learning to walk in the grace of God.
49:30 All this you bring with you into your into eternity. The other thing is that marriage people
49:36 need to be watchful of their mindset and the attitude towards single people.
49:41 Single people need our encouragement. You know they they rather than pushing
49:48 them to get married or or or setting them up with other people. We married
49:54 people need a biblical understanding that both marriage and singleness are all gifts from God.
50:00 that God will empower the single person with the grace they need while they remain single.
50:08 Finally, those of us who are married and still are without children, I know it's a very
50:15 very painful thing, but I want to tell you that just because you are without children doesn't mean
50:21 that God has disfavored you. Because from God's perspective,
50:26 it is more important to make disciples than it is to make babies.
50:32 It is not that making babies is not important, especially if you're married. But if God doesn't give you a child,
50:39 that shouldn't stop you making disciples for Jesus Christ. Because what is more important is not so much that you
50:46 populate the earth. The earth is well populated already. What is more important that you populate
50:53 heaven and that should be our primary calling. We are a failure
51:00 not when we just not not because we are not able to produce biological children
51:06 although that is important but we are a failure when we fail to produce
51:11 spiritual children. So the word to parents is the same. While you have brought them into the world, you got to
51:17 make sure that you bring them into heaven. So you got to disciple them in Jesus Christ because at the end of the
51:24 day, what matters is eternity. Would you bow your heads with me? Let's pray.
51:31 Our dear father, we come before you, Lord.
51:36 Thankful that Lord that
51:42 you are that you sent your son oh father God to die on the cross for us
51:48 Lord. The very act Lord of Jesus suffering, taking on our punishment,
51:54 bearing upon himself our judgment, that very act of Father God shows us
52:02 that you love us dearly. Whether we are single or married,
52:07 Lord, you love us. We are valuable to you, Lord.
52:12 And Father, we are not disfavored. We are not discredited
52:18 just because our station in life is different from another person. So
52:26 father I pray for the married people here. I ask oh God
52:32 that if there's a disappointment and a disillusionment with a marriage relationship
52:39 they will look to you Lord because you are the only one oh God who will be able to bring the fulfillment that we seek
52:48 the satisfaction that we desire the joy that we long for
52:55 because marriage is not the ultimate Lord eternity Yes. For single people, I
53:01 pray Lord that you will continue to give them the grace in the season that you have placed them in.
53:09 Empower them Lord that they will do the right thing in your sight
53:14 and that they will live within the boundaries that you have set for them so that Lord that they will continue to
53:21 enjoy the blessing of obedience that comes from glorifying you in their
53:27 singlehood. for those who have no children and for
53:32 those of us who have children. I pray that Lord that our greatest greatest
53:39 passion will be to disciple others so that heaven is populated
53:46 because the days come when you will all be glorified Lord in eternity and
53:52 everything on earth will make sense. So help us Lord to live our lives today in the
53:58 light of eternity and to view marriage and singleness
54:03 in the light of our coming eternity with Jesus Christ. We pray this in his name.
54:10 Amen. Amen.
